Cannes 2019 got off a rough start Tuesday night with the opening of “The Dead Don’t Die.”

Most certainly not an opener in a good year, the Jim Jarmusch zombie movie got mixed to poor reviews. It stars Bill Murray and Tilda Swinton, who apparently has to decapitate a lot of zombies. Steve Buscemi is in it wearing a faux red MAGA hat.

Todd McCarthy wrote: “At times, the deadpan of Murray and Driver becomes, well, a bit deadening, and true wit is in short supply, even though the film remains amusing most of the way…It’s a minor, but most edible, bloody bonbon.”

Owen Gleiberman in Variety called it “a disappointing trifle.” His thoughts: “The trouble with “The Dead Don’t Die” is that the notion of treating a zombie uprising as a pitch-black comedy drenched in attitude has already been done to death. It goes back to “Shaun of the Dead,” to films like “Planet Terror” and “Re-Animator” — and, of course, to “Dawn of the Dead” itself, which laced its grisly spectacle with a ripe satire of the consumer culture.”

It does seem that Jarmusch — who has some brilliant films like “Broken Flowers” and “Paterson,” among others — has phoned this one in. The Broadway producers of “Burn This” won’t be happy. They rearranged their whole schedule so star Adam Driver could attend last night. Driver will be back at the Hudson Theater at 2pm Wednesday for the matinee, and later at 8pm for the evening show. Exhausting!

The trade magazines’ various writers are all posting various negative comments on Twitter and in columns. It’s perhaps dawning on them that this year’s Cannes isn’t in good shape. The next movie they can sink their teeth into is on Thursday. That’s Elton John’s “Rocketman.” Then there’s a long wait until Tuesday and Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time in…Hollywood.”

That’s it if you’re an American journalist this year. Terence Malick’s movie has an all-German cast. No one in the US cares about a Ken Loach movie. A few smaller films will be of interest to a narrow audience. It’s slim pickings this year.

I worry about Cannes because it’s a great festival. But losing Harvey Weinstein was a blow. He usually provided three parties, premieres, a lot of buzz and pizzazz that you could feel resonating on the Croisette. No one cares about amFAR, as I’ve written, it’s a scam, basically. And there will be a severe lack of celebs this year by next Thursday.  Plus, Paul Allen is sadly gone, and with him, his mega party on his world’s largest yacht. Paul was a great philanthropist and he knew how to throw a shindig.

Cannes is also lacking imagination on the part of the filmmakers and studios. Remember when we all got invites from the government of Kazakhstan to view “Borat”? Or when Jerry Seinfeld and Jeffrey Katzenberg ziplined from the Carlton across the Croisette down to the beach dressed as Bees? It’s all just business now. Blech. Where’s the fistfight, the robbery, the kidnapping?

Alas, Cannes will have to allow Netflix, Amazon and other platforms into next year’s festival. This has to be the last year of pretending it’s 1955 on the Cote d’Azur, as much fun as that is sometimes!

I TOLD YOU IN FEBRUARY THAT WOODY ALLEN’S “RAINY DAY IN NEW YORK” WAS GOING TO OPEN IN FRANCE THIS FALL. 

Stephanie Celery, or whatever his name is, refused to answer phone calls or emails. He’s the head of MARS Distribution, and he knew our scoop was true. But he wanted to wait until Cannes to announce it. He belongs where he is, on Mars!

This is the second country to announce the opening “Rainy Day in New York” in defiance of Amazon Studios, which has refused to release Woody’s movie. Allen is suing them, and he is right to do it.

Now other countries will do the same, I am sure. Why not? The movie has an all star cast that includes Timothee Chalamet, Elle Fanning, Selena Gomez and Jude Law.

MARS has set September 18th for the French opening. If Woody’s people are smart they’ll show it a week before, at the Toronto Film Festival. Or maybe they’ll unveil in Venice. My advice: don’t do that, wait til the last minute. But I’m sure they won’t take my advice.

Last year, Celerier (that’s his name I guess) wrote a long essay in a French magazine supporting Allen.

He wrote: “I have been shocked by the wave of hate provoked by the Woody Allen affair, particularly in the United States and on the social networks, and by the lack of rigor by certain media outlets and the pack which condemns without looking into the full facts.”

Célérier said it was time “to examine the facts with attention…That is the approach I have decided to take. Simply to get to the bottom of the truth, to understand whether I’ve been working closely with a paedophile all these years.”

“He has always in my eyes been a man of incredible intelligence as well as discreet and courteous. But his talent and his effervescent creativity don’t make a saint. The admiration I have for the man and the cineaste is real but have not influenced the steps I have taken to ask questions.”

“It seems clear to me that Woody Allen should not be classified in the same category as the sexual predators recently denounced by Hollywood and end his days as a pariah whose work should be burned,” he wrote.

“But it seems complicated today, impossible even, to stand-up for Woody Allen’s innocence without prompting violent reactions and accusations that I am sacrificing the rights of women for economic gain.”