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Kristi Noem Killed Her Dog and Now Her Book is DOA: Out of the Top 300 in Less Than Three Days

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Kristi Noem’s book is now more dead than her dog.

“No Way Back” was published Tuesday. It came in on amazon at number 44. This morning, it’s number 341.

The book is DOA.

At Barnes & Noble, where it sells for full price at $30, “No Way Back” is in the 700s.

Noem boasted in the book that she killed her dog — shot it — because it didn’t behave. She lied about meeting Korean dictator Kim Jung Un, causing the publisher to delete that section from the book.

Noem’s big interview, with Margaret Brennan on CBS’s “Face the Nation,” was an unmitigated disaster. Brennan shredded the South Dakota governor. It was a shit show.

Noem has apirations of being Donald Trump’s vice presidential nominee. It doesn’t matter and I don’t care, but it’s not going to happen. She makes Sarah Palin seem like a genius.

Barron Trump, 18, Pushed into Spotlight He Likely Doesn’t Want: No One’s Ever Heard Him Speak

Donald Trump pushed a button last year he will never be able to take back. He’s sent his 18 year son into battle.

Last year, Trump declared on social media that Barron, then 17, was smarter than Joe Biden. That nudged open the door to the press writing about Barron.

But now Trump is sending Barron (and most of his other kids) to the Republican convention as a delegate. Barron is now 18, and the hands off policy is over.

Today there’s a barrage of planted publicity about Barron being a great guy with political ambitions. The Daily Mail has fawned all over him, so much that you’d think he’s John John Kennedy.

He’s not.

The Trumps should be more protective of Barron. For one thing, no one beyond his family and friends has ever heard Barron’s voice. There may be a two second clip on YouTube caught by a long mic. But otherwise, Barron appears in public most of the time scowling. He rarely smiles. Yes, at 6 foot 7, he towers over the family. But either he has permanent indigestion or he has not enjoyed his teen years.

Back in 2016, when Barron was in school here in New York, I was told by parents of his classmates that he had trouble speaking English. He’d spent so much time with Melania’s parents that his first language was Slovenian.

His subsequent schooling in Washington, then Palm Beach, has been closely guarded. As a high school senior he should have announced his college plans already. Alas, it’s all been crickets.

There’s some speculation he’ll go to NYU, but that seems implausible. He’s been tied to his mother’s diamond bracelets his whole life. Will he really commute down to the school everyday by limo from Trump Tower? That seems like it would be fairly disruptive for his fellow students, and their teachers.

And don’t think the paparazzi will follow Barron everywhere, every minute of the day.

Sounds: Taylor Swift Crosses 3 Million Poets, Live Nation Guru Arthur Fogel Honored by Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation

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Taylor Swift is still number 1 with “The Tortured Poets Department.”

By the end of today she’ll have sold another 285,000 copies, bringing her total to a little over 3 million. Of those, 2 million are hard sales.

The downloading of “Poets” singles has slowed, but the album keeps chugging on. Nothing can touch it, not even Dua Lipa, whose new album, “Radical Optimism,” will come in around 85,000 copies.

Last night the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation honored one of the good guys in music: Live Nation’s Arthur Fogel. If there’s one universally admired guy in the concert biz, it’s Fogel.

Fogel is responsible for some of the biggest tours in history, including Madonna’s latest (she never missed a show!), Lady Gaga, U2, and Sting. All the artists swear by him. Somehow Fogel maintains a fairly cool composure all the time, despite all the nuttiness around him.

At the Rainbow Room last night model, actress, and author Dominique Jackson was the emcee. Rosie Perez presented Arthur with the special LIFEBEAT tribute. The evening, generously supported by Presenting Sponsor Gilead Sciences, Inc., along with Associate Sponsors Live Nation Entertainment and the Wasserman Foundation, also featured a performance by Glassnote Records recording artist Talia Rae.

“I hope that tonight has delivered some meaningful financial support to the foundation + LIFEBEAT programs going forward,” Arthur said. Then everyone hit him up for backstage passes!

Congrats!

Alex Kalomparis and Arthur Fogel

JFK Grandson Masters Another Accent — Cockney, This Time — In Strange New Video Post Attacking Trump and RFK Jr

Jack Schlossberg, son of Caroline Kennedy and grandson of JFK, either wants to become an actor or he’s having Disassociative Identity Disorder.

Schlossberg has posted another video to Instagram in which he goes after his cousin, Robert Kennedy Jr, and Donald Trump. It’s about reproductive rights. But Jack calls himself Tiny Tim and uses a Cockney accent.

Does this guy have a job? From these videos it seems like’s just wandering around a California surf town. He’s 31, and maybe should present as ab adult if he wants to be taken seriously. Meantime, his mother is the US ambassador to Australia and working hard at it.

Sigourney Weaver Says: “I’ll be in my 80s” When All the “Avatar” Movies are Finished, Does Have Other Projects (Exclusive)

A little more from last night’s elegant and funny one night only performance for Lincoln Center Theater (1000 times better than that low class Met Gala).

Sigourney Weaver was deftly funnier than ever as self-centered Masha in the staged reading of “Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike.”

I asked her what was she working on and she replied, “Besides making three more Avatar movies???” Sigourney said she still had a little work to do on “Avatar 3,” and then James Cameron will be shooting episodes 4 and 5. “I’ll be making Avatar into my 80s.” She’s 74 and looks about 54, so I think she’ll get away with it.

Sigourney is not only working on “Avatar,” by the way. She has two other films in post production including “The Gorge” with Anya Taylor Joy and Miles Teller. PS to the Motion Picture Academy: Sigourney should be a Lifetime Achievement honoree this year.

In the first “Avatar,” Weaver was the live action character Dr. Grace Augustine. But in the sequels she plays Kiri, the 14 year old daughter of Grace’s Avatar character. It still requires acting, and being in the water all the time. “Hours,” Sigourney said, but she doesn’t mind it.

David Hyde Pierce plays Vanya, Masha’s put upon gay brother. He hadn’t taken on the role in a decade, but DHP is such an adept actor he did much of last night’s show without a script! He knew it from re-reading it and from memory. Will he ever go back to “Frasier,” I asked. The answer is no although he did say, “It was just renewed, so it has an audience.”

Candice Bergen was a guest of Lincoln Center, but she kept a very low profile with board member Linda LeRoy Janklow and CAA founder Bill Haber.

One of my favorite people in New York is famed author Steven M.L .Aronson, whose 40 year old book, “Hype,” is the template for all writing about fame and celebrity. Why is it out of print? It’s not even an ebook. Attention: publishers, get with it.

Steven who has always sported the most fashionable eyewear, told me his glasses are part of a twin set. The other copy is worn by Spike Lee! The glasses are made in different colors, but only he and Spike got these. Spike may not be aware that he has a doppelganger out there! He commissioned the glasses for the Oscars a few years ago but the designer made two pairs in case something happened to the originals. They are very cool!

The biggest takeaway of the night: the brilliance of the Christopher Durang play. It won the Tony for Best Play but has not been revived. It’s time. Durang was prescient and biting about Hollywood, celebrity, even science and climate change. A movie has to be made ASAP. “Vanya and Sonia” is the most satisfying comedy of the last decade.

Lorne Michaels Will Close out “SNL ” Season 49 on a Ratings High: Dua Lipa Was Huge

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Lorne Michaels is going to wrap up season 49 of “Saturday Night Live” on a ratings high.

This past weekend’s show, with Dua Lipa as host and musical guest, grabbed 4.74 million viewers. That was up a notch from the previous outing with Ryan Gosling and Chris Stapleton.

Both shows were vast improvements over the dreadful outing with Ramy Youssef a few weeks ago. That installment will pull down the season’s averages with its anemic 3.99.

Michaels is on a roll, booking powerhouse hosts and performers and cameo players. It’s a real comeback post-pandemic. He will enter year 50 at the top of his game, of course. No one has lasted as long as Lorne Michaels in TV history. It’s an extraordinary story. Not only has he kept the show going for five years, but the list of stars he created is stunning. Plus, he’s running all of NBC’s late night with Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers.

The next two “SNL” episodes will be hosted respectively by Maya Rudolph and Jake Gyllenhaal. Their musical guests will be Vampire Weekend and Sabrina Carpenter. You know both shows will be packed with surprise cameos, the first since Rudolph is a beloved alum (Tina, Amy?).

And then we head to the fall. Sarah Sherman and Marcello Hernandez have been big breakout stars this season, that’s for sure. So we’ll see who makes the cut for the 50th. It’s going to be a banner year. And then? Does Lorne retire? Not so fast, I don’t think. He has a lot of game left in him.

Books UPDATE: Kristi Noem Book of Lies Opens at Number 44, Drops to Number 107 on Amazon, Beaten Easily by MSNBC’s Jen Psaki

UPDATE: “No Way Back” will find no way back to the top of the amazon charts. Within a day the tome that describes the shooting of a dog has dropped to number 107.

keep refreshing to see how quickly it falls off the best seller list…

TUESDAY EVENING:

Kristi Noem’s book, “No Way Back,” has had a soft open on the amazon best seller list.

The book — filled with proven lies — has debuted on Amazon at number 44. It was easily beaten by a book written by a more respected public figure.

MSNBC’s Jen Psaki hit the chart at number 4 with “Say More: Lessons from Work, The White House, and the World.”

Somewhere in between are new memoirs from Whoopi Goldberg and Tom Selleck.

Noem’s book is doomed, I’m afraid. The publisher announced they were removing a section of the book “at the author’s request.” This was because Noem was caught in a lie about meeting North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un.

“No Way Back” is also the right title since Noem tells the story of shooting her dog when it misbehaved. She is loathed widely, even by conservatives who love their pets and cannot imagine committing such an atrocity. There is indeed No Way Back for the South Dakota governor.

He Should Know: Trump Calls All His Judges “Thugs,” Says Lawrence O’Donnell “Looks like sh*t”

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Donald Trump, tell us what you really think?

Om social media this morning, Trump called the judges in all of his trials “thugs” and labeled them “fascists.”

He should know, I guess.

Trump really wants Judge Merchan to put him in jail. He thinks it will cause a civil war. My guess is, one nutcase will show up in a MAGA hit waving a Confederate flag, and wind up in Bellevue.

Last night on social media, Trump ranted that he spotted MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell in court. “He looks like shit,” said the ever gracious rapist. I’m sure it irks Trump that O’Donnell is trim, nicely suited from a tailor, and has his own hair.

Hard, Not Soft: Billie Eilish Sells Out Most of Her $5 AMC Theater Listening Session Events for New Album

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AMC has scored again with a pop star after Taylor Swift and Beyonce proved so successful.

The theater chain is having 3pm live listening events on May 16th and 17 for Billie Eilish. She’ll be presenting her new album, “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” first in New York and then in Los Angeles in Dolby theaters.

The waiting lines for the live events — at the Barclays Theater in Brooklyn and the Kia Forum on the 17th — on Ticketmaster brought out 80,000 requests. Fans are still waiting to see if they made it. (Admission is free.)

So Eilish’s team and AMC decided to live stream the events in their theaters. So far, almost all the theaters showing the May 16th event are sold out. You’d have to go way into the suburbs to find a few seats. The tickets cost five bucks. Tickets for the Friday showings go on sale this afternoon.

We’re on a run this spring of hit albums by female stars. Beyonce kicked it off, then came Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, and next is Eilish. Who’s next? Maybe Lana Del Rey, who’s been holding an album. She came to the Met Ball on Monday dressed in a bee keeper’s outfit.

Will men singing rock and roll ever come back? Pearl Jam has a new album out. Green Day had a great one during the winter. But in pop Justin Timberlake tanked, and Justin Bieber is semi-retired. Rap stars Kendrick Lamar and Drake are just fighting with each other. Can you imagine if Jackson and James had put out diss tracks back in the day? That would be a great SNL sketch.

Sigourney Weaver Meets Steve Carell in A “Vanya”-Palooza at Star Studded Night for Lincoln Center

Wow!

Tuesday night Lincoln Center Theater put on the kind of star studded event that was a throwback to the good old days.

To raise money, LCT produced — in two days — a retro staging of Christopher Durang’s more hilarious than ever and Tony award winning “Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike” with most of the original cast including Sigourney Weaver, David Hyde Pierce, Kristine Nielsen, and Liesel Allen Yaeger. Plus they flew in Tony winner and TV legend Linda Lavin, who was joined by hot young actor David Hull. Tony Award winner Bartlett Sher did the directing with very little rehearsal.

The place for this was the Vivian Beaumont Theater, where the highly praised real “Uncle Vanya” is playing starring Steve Carell and William Jackson Harper.

In the audience at the Vivian Beaumont, on his night off, was of course, Carell, who’d never seen the Durang send up of the Chekhov play and was overwhelmed by it. He was equally overwhelmed when this reporter introduced him to Weaver at the glamorous dinner at David Geffen Hall following the show, creating a Vanyapalooza. Also spotted was famed comedian Robert Klein, legendary author Steven M.L. Aronson, other “Uncle Vanya” cast members including Tony winner Jane Houdyshell and Spencer Jones, and so on.

Bartlett Sher’s production of this hit, not seen since 2014, was sublime. Durang passed away in 2018, but this is his masterwork. It needs a film and a revival on Broadway. Weaver told me last night the comedy has never been seen in London and she’s willing to go do it (in between finishing chapters 3, 4, and 5 of “Avatar”).

Many in last night’s audience had not seen the original 2013 production which won Best Play that year at the Tonys (plus nomination for the whole cast). “Vanya and Sonia” turns out to have been prescient in 2013. Everything Durang was mocking and at the same time fearing about the internet, the climate, and so on have only gotten worse in the last 11 years. You could feel the audience leaning forward in their seats laughing at the constant jokes but also buzzing because Durang’s work seems more contemporary than ever.

(The basic plot: Masha, an aging movie star with five husbands on her resume, returns from Hollywood to the family home in Bucks County where her brother and adopted sister live. She bring with her a boytoy actor who almost got cast in “Entourage 2.” She wants to sell the house, the only place the brother and sister have ever lived.)

When “Vanya and Sonia” was on Broadway, Shalita Grant and Billy Magnussen were in the cast. They received Tony nominations but weren’t available for this wild night. David Hull, who’d played the part of boytoy Spike in Los Angeles, stepped in. But what about replacing Grant?

In from Los Angeles came Tony and Golden Globe winner Lavin, who had little notice, and didn’t know the show. But she took the stage like a champ, reading from her script but not really using it as she made Cassandra, the clairvoyant housekeeper, into an integral part of the story.

Listen, Sigourney Weaver and David Hyde Pierce are formidable actors, and they made it seem like they’d been doing this for weeks, not days. I have a soft spot, though, for Kristine Nielsen, who plays their adopted sister. She’s one woman comic tour de force and a legend on Broadway. In July she goes back for a third season in “The Gilded Age” on HBO, where she plays a Mrs. Patmore-like cook in the Russell (Vanderbilt) mansion. I am pleading with Julian Fellowes and that show’s writers to give her a real storyline this season. They are wasting a gem!

Errata: I don’t know who was more nervous in our impromptu meeting, Sigourney or Steve. They hit it off immediately. Sigourney told me she and Linda Lavin also became fast friends, are now texting each other, and plan to meet up in LA. Lavin stopped David Hyde Pierce and thanked him deeply for all his help in this hasty and incredibly successful endeavor.

In the play, Weaver’s Masha famously wears a Snow White costume for much of the two acts as her egotistic movie star character is going to a party down the street. So out came Weaver in the costume. But it wasn’t the original one. “That one fell off the truck” — wink, wink– costume designer Emily Rebholz told me. So she ordered one from Amazon, then got to work customizing it overnight for Masha. That’s how theater people react to a crisis!