WOLVERINE REAL NUMBERS $2MIL LESS THAN THOUGHT

The real numbers for “Wolverine” are in from the weekend, and 20th Century Fox was a little overanxious. They originally reported the Hugh Jackman starrer at $87 million. The real take was $85 million plus change.

It’s not a huge difference, but it’s significant. “Wolverine” opened on Friday to a staggering $34 million box office. But over the weekend, the numbers went down dramatically– to $29 million on Saturday night and $21 million on Sunday.

All of this begs the question: by this Friday, will “Wolverine” be done? J.J. Abrams’ “Star Trek” is coming, a mega hit that should knock “Wolverine” handily out of the top spot. From advance word, “Star Trek” also seems like it’s going to have great reviews and etrrific word of mouth. “Wolverine” had some of the worst reviews ever for a blockbuster.

So we’ll watch and see this week if “Wolverine” has any steam left among adults–the moviegoers on week nights. By Wednesday it should be obvious if Gavin Hood’s tale has legs, or just claws.

“WOLVERINE” SURPRISE UNVEILED BY MOVIE BLOG

oOr is it blob? Harry Knowles, the editor of movie blog Aint-It-Cool-News, has deliberately revealed a big surprise in “Wolverine: X Men Origins.”

Knowles finally saw “Wolverine” yesterday, plopping down the whole price of a ticket to see the 20th Century Fox film. Only hours before that he complained bitterly on his website that he wouldn’t see “Wolverine” because Fox hadn’t shown it to him. He actually instructed his readers to skip the movie because the studio ignored him.

I’d say Knowles should be fired but he can’t be: he’s his own boss, a big fish in a very small pond. I guess the deal with AICN is, if Knowles isn’t shown a movie before it opens, it’s not worth seeing. If he has to pay for it, he’s not going to like it. And to get the studio pr people back, he’s going to give away spoilers.

In his review, so to speak, he complains about the make up and effects on a character not listed in the credits. I won’t spoil it by telling you who it is. But Harry does, name and all.

Knowles is a coarse individual who has routinely blackmailed the studios over reviewing their films early, giving away spoilers, and mocking just about everything in the business. He does this all from far away so no one can touch him.

Yesterday, he reviewed a review of “Wolverine” by the Los Angeles Times’s esteemed Ken Turan. He responded to Turan with these words: “F— you, Kenneth.” Nice, huh? Pauline Kael and Vincent Canby must be rolling in their graves. He marshalls all his “power” at AICN to destroy “Wolverine,” going so far as to report overheard comments from other filmgoers on the way out of the theater.

Fox must have really done something to Knowles to piss him off. And this is the state of movie reviewing now: if you’re mad at the publicist–the way The New York Post was at Woody Allen’s recently–then do what you can to kill the movie. Hopefully, this is just bottom of the barrel stuff.

Of course, Knowles is not really a reviewer. He’s a geek in a basement with a computer. He has no journalistic credentials. His former pretege is a guy named McWeeny. Really. For real.

So far, Knowles’s admonishments have had no impact. That may be because alexa.com ranks his website at number 5,679. “Wolverine” took in $35 million last night. It should make between $75 and $90 million by Sunday night. That’s pretty cool, ain’t it?

JENNIFER ANISTON LOOKS FOR MOVIE RESPECT AGAIN

Jennifer Aniston is trying to regain the indie respect she got a few years back for her 2002 Miguel Arteta-Mike White movie, ‘The Good Girl.’

So Aniston is about to open in ‘Management,’ a Stephen Belber written and directed feature co-starring Steve Zahn and a cast of mostly unknowns. Veteran character actors Margo Martindale and Fred Ward play Zahn’s parents.

This is the stripped down Aniston from ‘Good Girl.’ There’s no glamour in this offbeat love story that takes place in rural Arizona and industrial park, Maryland. Aniston is meant to look bland and somewhat unattractive. She’s either not wearing a lot of makeup, or wearing makeup that looks like she’s not. Either way, you can tell she means ‘business.’

For the most, the gimmick works. Aniston’s Sue, who sells tacky art to corporations, is emotionally cut off, and nearly misses the cues she gets from Zahn when she stays in his parents’ Arizona motel. Hence the awful title, since Zahn knocks on her door with a bottle of wine and introduces himself as ‘management.’ The come-on works, sort of, but not in a gauzy haze.

What ensues for Sue and Zahn’s Mike is the usual obstacle course to true love: missed opportunities, lack of mutual trust, a wealthy ex lover (Woody Harrelson) who comes back into the picture. We’ve seen it all before. The difference is that Belber plays it laid back and throws in a few curve balls along the way. Some of the obstacles are new, and the couple overcomes them with distinction.

Zahn is good in any movie, and here he plays the wide eyed loser a lot like Jake Gyllenhaal did in ‘The Good Girl.’ Mike is not terribly bright, he has no money, but he’s in love and he’s determined to get the girl. Charm goes a long way here.

For Aniston, ‘Management’ is no make-or-break release. It should have been sent into theaters either earlier this year or in August-September, though; mid May among blockbusters seems a strange time. ‘Management’ has all the feel of a Sundance movie, and probably would have benefited from being shown there. Instead, it was exhibited during last September’s Toronto Film Festival, on the same night as ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ screened back to back at the Ryerson. The result was it got lost.

Aniston has exquisite comic timing, although she doesn’t get to show off it much in ‘Management.” This film will have its fans, but Aniston’s big career, really, should be in sunnier, romantic comedies. Her upcoming films, ‘Brand New Day’ and the still filming ‘The Baster,’ should do the trick. She needs dialogue from Nora Ephron or Elaine May, or even Woody Allen to put her over the top.

RIELLE HUNTER WON’T FIGHT BACK DESPITE ATTACKS

John Edwards’ former mistress and the mother of his illegitimate daughter is keeping her cool right now.

Rielle Hunter is not fighting back, at least, not yet, despite attacks by Edwards’s wife, Elizabeth.

Yesterday the New York Daily News revealed that Edwards writes in her new book, “Resilience,” about her husband’s affair with Hunter. Although Elizabeth doesn’t name Hunter, she calls her ‘pathetic’ and says Hunter is a parasitic groupie, according to the newspaper.

What Edwards doesn’t do is assign any blame to her husband for the affair, or question whether or not he initiated it. She doesn’t delve into the paternity of Hunter’s child, acknowledged by insiders as Edwards’ daughter.

Elizabeth’s attack on Hunter was not unanticipated. I wrote back on February 3rd” and on March 5th, in my old column, when I exclusively introduced this picture, that the word was out Elizabeth was gunning for Hunter.

But several things have to be remembered here. Most importantly, Hunter has never told her story or told it to anyone. She’s never sued for paternity. Although she did accept money from an Edwards supporter, she hasn’t received a dime from Edwards. Since December she’s been living in a friend’s home, wondering what her next move will be.

One thing is for certain: Hunter has no plans to write her own book at this point. But it would seem now that Elizabeth Edwards has the implicit approval of her husband to attack his ex lover and mother of his child. Hunter should get credit for biting her lip. In the weeks ahead, when Elizabeth Edwards is blabbing away on the publicity circuit, I think Hunter would have every right to change her mind.

BROADWAY NOTES: ‘9 TO 5’ LIVES ON; ‘WEST SIDE’ GOES EAST

Last night’s premiere of ‘9 to 5: The Musical,’ did bring out the stars including original movie cast Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Dolly Parton, the latter who wrote the songs for the show. Also from the cast, the original Roz, amazing, legendary actress Elizabeth Wilson, now in her late 80s, who looked great. Wilson first starred on Broadway in 1953 in the original cast of ‘Picnic.’ In 1972, she won a Tony Award for ‘Sticks and Bones.’ Her biggest hit was ‘Mornings At Seven’ in 1980-81. She’s been in dozens of movies, too, including a star turn in ‘The Addams Family’ (1991).

Also spotted at last night’s opening were Edie Falco, Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford, Connie Chung and Maury Povich, and Swoosie Kurtz.

This much you need to know about ‘9 to 5’: Allison Janney, who’s best known for ‘The West Wing’ but is a bona fide Broadway actress, is tremendously good in the lead role here. She dances and sings, kicks up a storm, and has a show stopping number at the start of the second act. Good for her!

‘Meanwhile, we await the Tony nominations next week. Yesterday, there was a lunch for the sensational principal actors from the current ‘West Side Story’: Matt Cavenaugh, Josefina Scaglione, and Karen Olivo. The setting was Susan and John Guttfreund‘s spectacular Fifth Avenue apartment, from which I now writing this column in one of their unoccupied bedrooms. (Just kidding! Can’t blame me for trying!)
‘This is what we learned from this attractive trio: the cast have all become good friends. They are exhausted from performing this demanding, amazing show. When they’re away from the theater, they listen to ‘a lot’ of music, none of it from the show! Olivo’s husband, Matt Caplan, is in Lincoln Center’s hit ‘South Pacific.’ They drive in from Jersey together every afternoon. Scaglione has only had time to see ‘Mary Poppins’ so far during her down time. Cavenaugh suffered from a mechanical malfunction during an early Broadway performance, cursed loudly, and was injured enough so that his understudy had to go on. They are all of them amazed by their director, 91 year old Arthur Laurents, who is still giving them notes after the shows.
”West Side Story’ should win Best Revival of a Musical. These three are headed to Tony nominations, and daresay, wins in their respective categories. And some stars are born’

MEL GIBSON: FOUNDATION CRUMBLING

Mel Gibson‘s girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, was reported last week to be a singer or a composer. All the reports, repeated endlessly, were that she was signed to Gibson’s Icon Records.

Well, there is no Icon Records. At least, not for Mel Gibson. There are companies called Icon Records, but they have nothing to do with the Oscar winner who made infamously anti-Semitic remarks during his 2006 arrest.

Indeed, Icon Productions, Mel’s film and TV company, is not in the record or music business at all. Check out their websites. If they’re in that business, they’re keeping it a very deep secret.

In fact, the soundtrack to Gibson’s “Apocalypto” was issued by Disney’s Hollywood Records. And the CD score for “The Passion of the Christ” was on Sony Music. You’d think if Mel had a record company of his own, he’d put out his own soundtracks.

There is an Icon Records, It’s a Canadian company, distributed through Unviersal Music and founded by someone named Rui da Silva. They have about a dozen artists according to their website at www.iconmusic.ca. But no Oksana. And no Mel Gibson.

So the question is, who is Oksana, and how did this story start about her being a recording artist? She has exactly one credit on the imdb: She’s listed as the composer of an unknown 2002 short film called ‘Flower Boy.’ There is no other information available about the project.

Oksana seems to be known mostly as the mother of a child fathered by ex-James Bond, Timothy Dalton. If it weren’t for the latest scandal with Grigorieva, Dalton’s name would have remained in obscurity. He’s appeared in almost nothing of consequence since his last Bond movie in 1989, “License to Kill.” Aside from his two Bond movies (the other was 1987’s “Living Daylights”) Dalton’s other biggest credit is having been Vanessa Redgrave’s boyfriend for about 14 years.

Grigorieva has had her share of press at home in Russia. Pravda’which used to be the propaganda sheet for the Soviet Union but now covers celebrities, of course– has written about her extensively. In a 2003 story that is awkwardly translated on Pravda’s website, the newspaper titled Oksana’s saga: ‘A story of a Russian girl who did an impossible thing: married a principal James Bond Timothy Dalton and gave him a baby.’ (It’s unclear whether Dalton and Grigorieva were ever legally married. But they do note he was two years older than Oksana’s mother. Gibson, a decade younger than Dalton, is at least closer to Oksana’s 38 years old.)

The epic ends with Oksana in a ‘civil marriage with a contract’ with Dalton, and her sister on her way to Hollywood ‘to find her own James Bond.’

Gibson, meantime, is loaded. One place both his divorcing wife Robyn and his mistress Oksana might look for Gibson’s hidden stash’People magazine has already noted that Gibson’s keeping Oksana in a house next to his’is his tax free charitable foundation, A P Reilly. This is the foundation Gibson’s used to fund his personal church, Holy Family, in Malibu on Mulholland Highway. According to its filing from 2008, A P Reilly now has $43 million in assets. That’s a lot for a church that serves about 70 people.

Luckily for Robyn, even in 2007’when Mel says they were officially separated’she was listed as Vice President of A P Reilly.

NEW YORK KEEPS BUSY

What’s going on tonight? Just the Broadway opening of the musical ‘9 to 5,’ for which Dolly Parton wrote all the songs. Expect Lily Tomlin, who was in the movie, to be on the scene with Dolly. Jane Fonda, of course, is busy starring in ’33 Variations’ herself on Broadway in what should be a Tony nominated performance’Downtown, at the Tribeca Film Festival, Sam Rockwell premieres in ‘Moon,’ directed by David Bowie’s son Duncan Jones (formerly Zowie Bowie) and written by director Alan Parker’s son. Trudie Styler is one of the producers, so this is a hot hot hot opening for Tribeca’And Magnolia Pictures is hosting a screening and very private after party for Tilda Swinton in her new movie, called ‘Julia”not the classic ‘Julia’ that starred Jane Fonda in 1977, but a new one that could have used a different title. Vanessa Redgrave will not be passing microfilm to Tilda in a hat during this ‘Julia”See how all these items tied together?…
‘Tomorrow, a little decadence: a whole afternoon of shopping and drinking courtesy of Sonya Rolin and Irene Zelinsky’s Traveling Atelier. Vanessa Noel Boutique is hosting the soiree at 158 East 64th St. with special guest designer Rubin Singer. Call 212-967-6900 for more info’

BEBE BUELL HAS A HIT AND IS SUNG ABOUT

Bebe Buell has had a lot of successes in her life, but she wasn’t prepared for this one: newly minted hit pop group Chester French has a single they’ve made in her honor. In “Bebe Buell.” the very popular pair of Harvard grads– DA Wallach and Max Drummey – sings a joyous love song to Buell, the knockout mother of actress Liv Tyler, best selling memoirist (the book “Rebel Heart”), legendary as a Ford model and Playboy playmate, and inspiration for the Penny Lane character in the great Cameron Crowe film, “Almost Famous.”

The timing of Chester French’s hit is serendipitous. Buell has always performed with her own rock band, and made a couple of well regarded albums in the 80s. But recently she and husband Jim Wallerstein and musician partner Bobbie Rae (of Twinomatick) set out to make a landmark CD, her own sort of “Broken English,” the album that cemented Marianne Faithfull’s career years ago.

The result is “Musesque,” a CD of songs she’s going to shop later this summer. Right now, the first single, “Air Kisses for the Masses,” is shaping up as a hit on ITunes and Amazon’s MP3 library. You can hear it at www.bebebuell.org or at myspace.com/bebebuellband.

The guys from Chester French, who are playing tonight in New York at the Steve Madden store and have a bunch of dates in the city over the next couple of weeks, are looking forward to meeting Buell. “She’s the gold standard in rock,” DA Wallach told me of Buell, for what was referred to in “Almost Famous” as muses. Buell’s rock relationships have included Steven Tyler, Todd Rundgren, and Elvis Costello.

“Air Kisses for the Masses,” though, shows off a tough pop sensibility married with a catchy hook and a strong melody. Buell’s vocal recalls the best of Faithfull, Chrissie Hynde, and Genya Ravan, all rolled into one. If they still had hit radio for people over 12, “Air Kisses” would be number 1. Buell and her band will debut the single and some more new material in May at the annual Joey Ramone birthday memorial in New York.

Chester French, meantime, is an oddity. They’re like the new, even cooler Weezer, or, if you’re old, Sparks, or They Might Be Giants.. (You can see the jolly, hummable “Bebe Buell” at http://www.interscope.com/artist/news/default.aspx?nid=21275&aid=587). Even though the group is pop rock, they’re Pharrell Williams‘ StarTracks label. DA told me the group was discovered by Kanye West, of all people. “Now we have a big hip hop following and we don’t even play hip hop!”

ONE CRITIC CALLS IT ‘DULL WITTED’

Regardless of the fact that it’s still all over the Internet in purloined form, “Wolverine” is getting clawed to death by critics.

Today, Variety writes that the Hugh Jackman blockbuster-hopeful is a “sharp-clawed, dull-witted actioner that falls short of the two Bryan Singer-directed pics in the [X Men] franchise.” Justin Chang also notes that “Wolverine” “bears all the marks of a work for hire, conceived and executed with a big budget but little imagination.”

Kirk Honeycutt, writing in The Hollywood Reporter, didn’t anything nicer to say:

“Bottom line: a keen disappointment as action and effects take over from a poorly conceived story.”

Of course, neither of these reviews, and two more on RottenTomatoes.com, say much for my own take on “Wolverine.” I liked the version I saw, but that’s another story. as they say. So far the’ New York Daily News and Arizona Republic also found the film lacking. Only The New York Post, Wolverine’s corporate cousin, seemed to enjoy this outing from Marvel Comics.

None of the reviews so far mentions the big surprise toward the end of the film. I won’t give it away, but rest assured, if you’re already an X Men fan, this will be a pleasant twist.

Even with the bad reviews, my guess is “Wolverine” will be howling at a heavy box office take this weekend. Will it break records set by “X Men: The Last Stand,” directed by Brett Ratner? Doubtful. But it’s going to do fine. I always chuckle when people take these comic-book based films too seriously. It’s just X Men, for gosh sake. As long as the story is easy to follow and there are plenty of explosions, sit back and enjoy it.

The real drama about “Wolverine,” meantime, is about the no longer asked questions: how did it get pirated in the first place? Who did it and why? What’s happened to the investigation? And why is it still out there?

JULIA ROBERTS DROPS HALF-DOZEN F-BOMBS AT TOM HANKS TRIBUTE

You do think of Tom Hanks as clean cut, and he is: married 21 years next week to Rita Wilson, father of four, winner of two Oscars, he is Hollywood’s good guy, for real.

But things got a little out of hand last night at the Lincoln Center Film Society tribute to Hanks at the newly renovated Alice Tully Hall. Several speakers had come and gone, all praising Hanks and relating anecdotes about working with him, when Julia Roberts hit the stage.

‘It’s late, I’m paying my baby sitter overtime, and I have to pee,’ Roberts declared at an all star audience that included Steven Spielberg, Mike Nichols and Elaine May, Bruce Springsteen and Patti Scialfa, Charlize Theron, Sally Field, Ron Howard, Julie Taymor, Jane Krakowski, Universal chief Ron Meyer, Sony Pictures head Amy Pascal, Geoffrey Rush, Jeremy Irons, Jeff Zucker, Bob Balaban, Christie Brinkley, Nora Ephron and more.

Roberts wasn’t finished. ‘Tom Hanks, what the f—?’ she announced, apropos of nothing except that playwright John Patrick Shanley, who’d just preceeded her, had used the f-word once, and in context. Roberts continued: ‘I’m wearing the same f’-ing dress as Tom’s publicist,’ she announced, showing off a summer dress to the audience.

A replay of a tape may show Roberts threw out a couple more verbal assaults before making this observation: ‘Sally Field played my mother in a film, too,’ she said to Hanks. ‘We’re brother and sister!’

There were plenty more tributes to Hanks through the two hour plus show which followed a no-press-allowed dinner for VIPS, celebrities, and the very wealthy in the all glass lobby of the new Alice Tully Hall. To keep gawkers out, the Film Society pulled down shades so the view was blocked. But enterprising photogs still got shots of celebs like Christopher Walken chowing down.

One highlight of the night was Springsteen and Scialfa, close friends of the Hankses, singing ‘Streets of Philadelphia,’ the Oscar winning song from the movie ‘Philadelphia.’

Springsteen jokingly told the crowd, ‘I met Tom Hanks in the bathroom at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. We were comparing the size of our Oscars.’ The couple seems to have weathered that crazy divorce scandal story from a couple of weeks ago without any trouble. Good for them!

Springsteen continued: ‘He [Hanks] has that whole regular guy shtick perfected, which I’ve perfected myself!’

Several of the other speeches revealed a little about Hanks’s personality and movies. We learned that he’s a great mimic, doesn’t like rehearsals, knows how to give impromptu toasts. He cut at least two scenes with Charlize Theron from ‘That Thing You Do.’ And he and Spielberg evidently remade the script of ‘Saving Private Ryan’ as they shot it.

Clips were shown from several of Hanks’s movies except, oddly, ‘Sleepless in Seattle.’ And although Meg Ryan has co-starred with him in three movies, she didn’t show up for the event. One excuse might be that she’s a juror down at the Tribeca Film Festival. But there was plenty of time for Ryan to make it uptown and say a few nice words about Hanks.

In the end, though, it was Hanks who spoke most eloquently. In a longish acceptance speech, he was funny and poignant, and very eloquent. He recited most of the words of Springsteen’s ‘Jungeland’ as he reviewed all his toast-ers, fondly thanking Wilson and crowing about son Colin’s current run on Broadway with Jane Fonda.

He did not talk much about his difficult childhood (it wasn’t good), and warmly pointed out members of Wilson’s family. He said, ‘In the end, we become artists to overcome loneliness.’

During the dinner hour ‘ the one press was banned from’I ran down to the New World Stages to see Rosie O’Donnell‘s Broadway Kids put on one of their terrific shows. Outside the theater I ran into another Hanks alum, Penny Marshall, who directed the star in his career making hit, ‘Big.’ She also directed him, and Rosie, in ‘A League of their Own.’

Why wasn’t she up at the Hanks extravaganza? Well, she hadn’t been invited, no one had told her about it, Rosie asked her to help with the fundraiser. ‘And this looks like more fun,’ Marshall said. She wasn’t far from right.

Rosie’s show was a home run as usual, with the kids from her after school program now all headed to performance art programs and high schools. It’s some accomplishment. PS Rosie did some PG rated standup before the show started, and she ‘killed.’

‘I could stay on all night, I can still do it,’ O’Donnell roared. She sure can. Bravo!

CAT STEVENS DUETS WITH MCCARTNEY ABOUT DETAINMENT

You know Cat Stevens. He’s also known as Yusuf Islam. Well, he’s recorded a new album, a bonus single, and a stand alone video. He’s also about to make two ‘surprise’ appearance concerts, in New York and Los Angeles, to promote all of this.

Most interestingly, the single and the video directly address the incident in 2004 when Islam was detained by the TSA when he tried to enter the United States and was sent home. Later it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. Since then, the Cat’who has numerous, hummable hits’has been in the U.S. many times.

The detainment song is called ‘Boots and Sand.’ It features vocal appearances by Dolly Parton and Alison Krauss, and more prominently by Paul McCartney. For some strange reason, the song is a bonus track only to Islam’s new album, ‘Roadsinger,’ which hits stores and computers on May 5th.

The video version of ‘Boots and Sand’ is available through ITunes and Best Buy. Islam says in a press release, ‘The song has an amazing story and background. I’ve made it comical, but it is, of course, the story about my ill-fated journey to Nashville in 2004, when I was confronted by seven tall FBI officers who stopped me and my daughter, interrogated me, and finally put me on another plane and sent me back to London. They kept on asking me to spell my name.’

Jesse Dylan, son of Bob, and once the victim of con artist Dana Giacchetto, directed the video. They filmed it in the California desert.

Meantime, Islam/Stevens makes his ‘surprise’ shows on May 3 in New York at the Highline Ballroom and May 11th in Los Angeles at the El Ray Theater.’ The single from ‘Roadsinger,’ called ‘Thinking ‘Bout You,’ was released yesterday and shot to the top of the Amazon.com Movers and Shakers chart. This isn’t surprising: it’s pretty damn good, very reminiscent of the best of Cat Stevens and still new enough sounding to attract interest.

By the way, did you know that Stevens wrote the classic, ‘The First Cut is the Deepest’? It’s the same song covered by Sheryl Crow, and earlier, by Rod Stewart. You can hear it on his website’www.catstevens.com’from his 1967 album, ‘New Masters.’ You can also hear another early hit, ‘Here Comes My Baby,’ from his first album, ‘Matthew and Son,’ also on the site.

WARNER (WMG) MYSTERY CONTINUES

Six of the top ten albums are from Universal Music. Two are from Disney. One is from EMI. And one, just one, is from the Warner M Group on Atlantic Records.

In fact, in all of the top 50, not once does the name Warner Records appear. Atlantic Records does, a total of five times. And Roadrunner, which had a deal with Warner that is now over, has two.

So how did Goldman Sachs’s Ingrid Chung arrive at her decision to make WMG ‘neutral’? That decision sent WMG stock soaring from below $2 to its present $4.63. Well, soaring is a bit much. But you get the idea. WMG is non existent on the charts. The stock price remains bafflement.

Well, the day of reckoning is coming fast: WMG’s next earnings call is May 7th. I’d like to hear one of those high paid analysts ask the WMG honchos just how it is they maintain a record company without any hits.

STOPPARD THE PRESSES!

The word from the forests of Nottingham is that there’s a new sheriff rewriting Russell Crowe’s dialogue.

I’m told that Tom Stoppard, the genius playwright (Rock N Roll, Coast of Utopia, etc) and actual screenwriter of “Shakespeare in Love” among other films, has been reworking Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood” from top to bottom.

The “Robin Hood” screenplay is becoming a legend in its own right at this pace, with several versions already in existence. And paid for with millions. But the most recent script –the one they were shooting from–was by Brian Helgeland. He’s not chopped liver, and probably added a lot of merriment to the scenario.

Alas, now it’s Stoppard’s turn to fine tune what Helgeland put to paper–or screen, as it were. There’s a nice irony here, too: Stoppard, who is Czech born, attended school in Nottingham as a lad. He’s also 75 years old this year. Who’d know better than he what went on there so many years ago?

Yes, “Robin Hood” has cost a fortune already and won’t be finished shooting until August. By the time we see it, the recession may be over and Yankee seats could be affordable. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be great. Scott is too smart to let “Robin Hood” become “Waterworld.”’ And besides, my spies say the cast–including Cate Blanchett, William Hurt, and Vanessa Redgrave–is just thrilled to be getting Stoppardian verbiage.

MURDER FORETOLD? ADRIENNE SHELLY’S SCRIPT IS WEIRDLY PRESCIENT

Poor Meg Ryan. There’s something she doesn’t seem to understand about film festivals. If you’re in a movie that plays at one, especially at an important one, and you’re there to do photo ops, you have to come back and do the Q&A session. It’s just nice, polite stuff, something you do with the director and the cast.

But when the lights went up last night at the end of ‘Serious Moonlight,’ an uneven and slightly weird comedy directed by one of our otherwise favorite people, Cheryl Hines of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ fame, Ryan was nowhere to be seen. Hines had to take the stage bravely with crew members, and answer questions from the audience. (Co-star Timothy Hutton was also absent from the entire proceedings, although he may be in Europe shooting the new Roman Polanski film.)

The odd thing is, Ryan had been there when the lights went down. Not only that, she’d done the photo ops outside on the red carpet. Later, she took pictures with Hines at the after party at Tenjune nightclub, which was funny enough in itself. Earlier, I was told that it was probably impossible to attend the after party since ‘Meg doesn’t want anyone there.’

When I asked a security guard outside the Tribeca theater if Ryan had left during the screening, he replied: ‘Before that. I think it was planned that way.’

(Contrast that with a later screening of ‘Handsome Harry,’ a very likeable drama, at which not inconsiderably talented actors Jamey Sheridan, Steve Buscemi, Campbell Scott, Aidan Quinn, Karen Young, Marian Mayberry, and Bill Sage stayed through their screening and then did their Q&A like mensches.)

So, in other words, Meg believes in the Groucho Marx joke that Woody Allen famously tells in ‘Annie Hall’: ‘I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me.’

Good for her! Iconoclast is an interesting role to play, especially if you have a lot of money or are well invested to weather the recession. Meg Ryan hasn’t actually had a hit movie since 1998, with ‘You’ve Got Mail.’ She’s had ten flops in a row since then, including such unmemorable turns as “The Deal,” “Into the Cut,” “Against the Ropes,” and more recently, the misguided remake of “The Women.”

She’s had some bad luck, some of in self-inflicted. Her affair with Russell Crowe while making ‘Proof of Life’ (one of those flops) in 1999-2000 caused the end of her marriage to Dennis Quaid. It also seems to have permanently damaged her niche as America’s sweetie, killing off the good will she earned from Nora Ephron‘s “Mail,” and “Sleepless in Seattle,” and the Ephron-scripted Rob Reiner classic, “When Harry Met Sally.”

And then there was the plastic surgery: Ryan fell prey to what so many Hollywood actors shouldn’t. Experiments with all kinds of facial alterations didn’t work, leaving her in strange circumstances.

The good news, maybe the only good news, from ‘Serious Moonlight,’ is that she looks great. Her face is more or less back to normal. Not only that, but Hines and cinematographer Nancy Schreiber shot her in the most flattering ways possible, using great angles and softening light. Ryan hardly looks her age, and more importantly, seems more like her old self.

But ‘Serious Moonlight’ is a weird project. It was written by Adrienne Shelly, the beloved actress-writer-director of ‘Waitress’ who was murdered in her New York apartment in November 2006 by a handy man working in her building. Hines, of course, acted in ‘Waitress,’ which was released after Shelly’s murder. She told IndieWire in a short interview that Shelly’s husband asked to direct ‘Serious Moonlight’ while she was doing press for that charming comedy. She should have said no.

I’m sure ‘Serious Moonlight’ was produced with the best of intentions, but it’s eerily prescient. In the movie, essentially, a handyman’landscape guy played by a squinty Justin Long surprises Ryan in her home, fights violently with her off camera, ties her up with silver ‘duck’ tape and throws her into an upstairs bathroom so he can loot her home with drunk, similarly awful punk friends. He also comes close to molesting her in front of her also-tied up hubby (Tim Hutton). How did the people making the film not see this in the script? Let the fidgeting begin!

‘Serious Moonlight’ is an unfunny comedy that somehow combines the worst elements of Michael Haneke’s miserable ‘Funny Games,’ with Reiner’s ‘Misery.’ It begins with Ryan knocking out and tying up with duct tape Hutton, who’s just announced he’s leaving her for a young tart (Kristen Bell.) Ryan tapes him to the toilet so he can use it while they hash out their marriage. Hutton, who also didn’t make the screening, party or Q&A, spends most of the movie in this position, where he has time to contemplate his career since winning the Oscar for ‘Ordinary People’ a lifetime ago.

Since Shelly’s tragic death, her husband has started a foundation in her memory. He also produced this movie. It was a bad idea, but I’m sure approached with the best of intentions. Frankly, all week leading up to the screening I thought the title meant there was some connection to David Bowie‘s song, ‘Let’s Dance’ in which the refrain ‘serious moonlight’ is heard over and over. Sad to say, that was not the case, and I still have no idea why a movie that takes place mostly in a bathroom got this title in the first place. That, and how much of the budget was spent on duck tape.

Oh, and that after party: seems like Meg got her wish. According to WireImage’s website, no one did show up except for Meg and Cheryl Hines.

TONY SOPRANO’S BACK GETS WHACKED

On ‘The Sopranos’ nothing could take down Tony Soprano. Not the New York mob or Russian hookers or even Uncle Junior, who shot him in the stomach.

But at yesterday’s matinee performance of ‘God of Carnage,’ James Gandolfini got wacked. It happened in a scene where Marcia Gay Harden, who plays his wife, jumps on him. Audience members could hear Gandolfini’s back crack. Apparently, the look of pain on his face was very real.

‘I thought, boy he’s good,’ said movie director Armando Iannucci, who was there as Gandolfini’s guest. Iannucci just directed Gandolfini in a terrific new satire, a film called ‘In the Loop’ which opened at the Tribeca Film Festival last night. It co-stars Mimi Kennedy and David Basche on the American side, and Brits Peter Capaldi, Tom Hollander, and Gina McKee on the UK side.

Iannucci went backstage as soon as the show was over, to congratulate Gandolfini and remind him of the opening night screening and party. ‘But you could see he was in real pain,’ the director said after receiving well earned kudos at his party, sponsored by the upscale Quintessentially.

‘He said, I really did it,’ reported Iannucci. And so Gandolfini, who always complains tongue in cheek about his terrible movie career, missed his best opening night so far. ‘In the Loop’ is a deft, trenchant, and very, very funny send up of the American and British governments as they decide to launch a war in the Middle East. (Sound familiar?) There are no sacred cows, everyone gets the you know what taken out of them. Gandolfini plays a five star general who never sees battle and is anti-war. His scenes with Mimi Kennedy are priceless.

Now the big question over at ‘God of Carnage’ is whether or not Gandolfini will be back for Tuesday night’s show. ‘God of Carnage’ is playing at an average 95% capacity, making the biggest hit play on Broadway right now with co-stars Hope Davis and Jeff Daniels. So producers will be sending masseuses and heat packs to Gandolfini’s house today, and crossing fingers that he can walk on Tuesday night. My advice: lie flat on the floor with two big pillows under your head and under your knees, Jimmy. It’s boring, but it works. That, and a couple of good muscle relaxers!

ROSIE TWITTERED BY HER OWN MRS. KRAVITZ
Remember Gladys Kravitz? She was Samantha and Darren’s nosy neighbor on ‘Bewitched.’ She was always spying on them, and then trying to report it to her uninterested husband. Thank goodness she didn’t have Twitter!

Last week, Rosie O’Donnell and her wife, Kelli, got a taste of Kravitz from Julia Allison, a self-promoting Twitter addict who’s on a campaign for fame at any cost. She heard the O’Donnells fighting in their apartment, then sent the world out a Twitter blast. (If there’s a coop board in that house, I wonder what they’ll make of this.)

Rosie and Kelli are non plussed. They’re used to it. Tonight, Rosie’s Broadway Kids has a big fundraiser at New World Stages, Kelli is working on her seven day family cruise from Seattle to Alaska in July. (Check out www.rfamilycruises.com.)

Says Rosie, with a laugh, via email: ‘we r ok
life with 4 kids in the spotlight isn’t easy / but we always come thru.’

She says of Allison, who came to the O’Donnells’ door with at midnight with ‘a bottle of wine and a puppy’: ‘I wouldn’t know her to look at her’Creepy.’

JULIET, WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER THEATER BREAKS?; DEPP DOORS; GOODBYE MAUDE
It looks like Gary Winick’s ‘Letters to Juliet’ has its leading and maybe a Romeo. Amanda Seyfried will play the former, and the word is that Rupert Friend will be the latter. More casting is to come, as this production shoots in Italy (nice gig!) starting in June for Summit Entertainment’How do we know Rupert Friend? Depending on whom you believe, he is either engaged to or engaged with Keira Knightley‘
‘Director Tom DiCillo reports that Johnny Depp will in fact be doing the narration for his Doors documentary. Let’s hope it’s soon. DiCillo himself filled in for the Sundance showing, and the movie was very well received. Once Depp is done, the world can see this wonderful chronicle of Jim Morrison and his pals’
‘Bea Arthur was a powerhouse of an actress, an icon but also a standard bearer for women. She proved you didn’t have to be dainty, a wallflower or ing’nue to win over an audience’s hearts. Rarely has an actress left such a indelible mark on the culture, but through ‘Golden Girls,’ ‘Maude,’ and her vast theater work, she will never be forgotten’