It’s the 30th anniversary of the “The Secret Policeman’s Ball” benefit shows that raised money for Amnesty International. This alone is a frightening thought — really, 1979 was 30 years ago? Seems like yesterday.

Anyway,’Martin Lewis’has organized Los Angeles and New York film festivals that are not to be missed. You can see’Sting’s witty, self-effacing promo for it, and the whole thing can be accessed here. The films are out on DVD, too, but so much nicer to see on the big screen. The versions of “Roxanne” and “Message in a Bottle” are remarkable — and only available here since the CDs for both “Policeman’s Ball” albums are out of print.

P.S. There’s also a new, funny message from Monty Python’s’Michael Palin posted here.

At the famed Chez Georges, the cheek-by-jowl diners paid little attention to Jackie O’s sister, Lee Radziwill, who came in on Monday night with a friend and had the best table in the house. She told me she loved the HBO film “Grey Gardens” about her cousins, the Beales. “Drew was marvelous,” she said, and reminded her of her cousin Edie. Lee is one of the great beauties and survivors, with a Hollywood history: she was marrried to the late great director and producer Herb Ross. Long may she rule!

The French Open is on, which means the tennis players are in Paris. Roger Federer put in an appearance at Le Stresa last night, shaking up the 40-seat hot spot like crazy. He signed the famous guest book, which famed publicist Yanou Collart showed me at dinner, that includes original art work by the likes of Jeff Koons and autographs of everyone from Sting to Sean Connery…

The radio gossips in Paris are not being kind to Isabelle Huppert after her debacle in Cannes.

First of all, the talk is that the rest of the jury “hated” her. Yes, we know, we’ve heard that over and over.

But it’s worse: Huppert is also being accused of playing favorites like crazy. While the rest of the jury wanted “A Prophet” to win the Palme d’Or, Huppert, they say, pushed Michael Haneke’s “The White Ribbon” until it won.

The reason? Huppert’s greatest success came in 2001 at Cannes for her performance in Haneke’s “The Pianist.” She won Best Actress by acclaim. The film won, and so did Haneke.

“Sacre bleu” means “oy vey” in French, you know.

Not only that: Apparently Huppert wanted to play the Diane Kruger role of the movie star in Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds.” Sources say she went to the German set and talked to Tarantino, but things didn’t work out.

Who knows what role that incident played in the final voting? (And no, this item did not come from that movie’s studio!)

And: we did wonder where festival chief Gilles Jacob was on the closing night. Thierry Fremaux stood at the top of the stairs with the mayor of Cannes, with no Jacob in sight. There’s an unconfirmed rumor going around that the white-haired director was struck by a car on Sunday and was bruised badly enough to skip the proceedings. Said one French waguette: “Maybe he was trying to commit suicide after having to deal with Huppert.”

Catch up on Parts Un and Deux of Cannes Catfight.

Italian beauty Monica Bellucci — who stole our heart years ago in “Malena” — is not having a good week.

Bellucci’s Paris apartment, which she shares with actor husband Vincent Cassel — was burglarized while she was in Cannes last week promoting a new film.

The burglars got more than $100,000 in jewelry and other goods, police told the wire services.

But more importantly, Bellucci’s Italian passport was taken.

That wasn’t good news in New York, where Nicolas Cage is waiting for Bellucci on the set of “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” She’s the female lead.

But sources — or sorcerers — say the passport theft has thrown a temporary wrench into the Jon Turteltaub/Jerry Bruckheimer-Disney production. “Sorcerer” has been set up for shooting all over New York — right in the middle of the new idiotic traffic patterns.

I’m told that Turteltaub has done as much as he can without Bellucci, who should by now have batted her beautiful brown eyes in the direction of embassy officials and gotten a new set of papers to let her into our country. Note to all of them: we want her in New York, no questions asked!

CANNES CATFIGHT, PART DEUX

So: just as I told you in the last day or so, the presentation of the final awards at Cannes on Sunday night was a scandal, as the French would say.

Head juror Isabelle Huppert did refuse to allow popular star Isabelle Adjani on the stage with her. Adjani gave an early award, the Camera d’or, by herself, and before Huppert appeared. Then she left. Adjani did not attend the dinner after the show, but headed home in a private plane.

Willem Dafoe, the star of the festival’s most hated film, “Antichrist,” substituted for Adjani. And just to be difficult, the jury awarded Charlotte Gainsbourg for Best Actress honors for “Antichrist.” The audience at the closing ceremony was pretty shocked. Trust me, this is one award that won’t translate into any others when the film is released in the U.S.

The rest of the closing-night ceremony was fairly dull. Veteran director Alain Resnais tottered forward to get his special prize. He’s going to be 87 next week. His film this year, “Wild Grass,” was not well received. His greatest film, really, was in 1959: “Hiroshima, Mon Amour.” That’s what he should be remembered for.

Otherwise, the closing was notable for no attendance by Quentin Tarantino. He was up at the Hotel du Cap. But when he learned he didn’t win, he skipped the show. This was not the case for Terry Gilliam, who presented an award even though he knew he hadn’t won for “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.” He was very funny, too, as he mockingly accepted the award first before the emcee (it was scripted) came over and advised him otherwise.

The emcee, whose name I do not know, was the same guy from the opening night ceremony. You have no idea what he’s saying because the whole thing is in French. The Festival refuses to translate or have a dual-language ceremony, so many in the audience just sit there with a glazed look until something obvious happens.

The big loser last night was the Coco Chanel movie, which was having its debut after the ceremony. Most people left before that screening. You had to feel bad for that director, Jan Kounen. It’s like his movie was an afterthought.

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CANNES OVERNIGHT OSCAR-READY STAR IS 53

Christoph Waltz won Best Actor last night at the Cannes Film Festival for Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds.” He told the crowd he thanked Tarantino for giving him back his vocation.

Waltz is no spring chicken. He will be 53 years old this fall. He has three children including a grown daughter who lives in New York.

He himself lived in New York about 30 years ago when he was a starving actor trying to make a go of it in the Big Apple. He tried his luck with classes at Lee Strasberg. He had no success.

Waltz, who is Austrian by birth but lives in London now, told me the other night that he first lived on the Upper West Side, then in Hell’s Kitchen.

Did he get any work at all?

“Nothing,” he says, shaking his head. He can laugh about it now. But it was not a happy time. He returned to Europe, where he’s worked steadily in German TV.

Waltz is going to be nominated for, and possibly win, the Oscar next March for Best Supporting Actor. His portrayal of Col. Hans Landa, the Nazi officer who snakes his way through “Basterds,” is just amazing. Don’t worry, there’s no sympathy for his character, a gleeful Nazi who’s known as the “Jew Hunter.” The audience knows he is crazy. But Waltz plays him deliciously. We are always waiting for him to return.

Now, his life — I’ll say it just this once–is going from a Waltz to a foxtrot. And several faster dances. Because he’s matinee-idol good looking, and younger looking than his age, Waltz will not have to play any more Nazis. The selection of roles should be varied.

You will hear this over and over again: Tarantino cast him last, because he couldn’t find an actor fluent in English, French, and German to play this role. He almost couldn’t make the movie. For a week, all the production did was see actors for Col. Landa. When they saw Waltz, they knew instantly they had their man. Now they also have a Best Actor.

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen has worried his close friends. Little by little they’ve spread the word at the Cannes Film Festival that the billionaire is sick, perhaps with a recurrence of Hodgkin’s disease, which he overcame in 1983.

The reason is that Allen, who has a home near Cannes, split from the festival last Tuesday right after his big Monday night gala on his 414-foot yacht, Octopus. I told you last week that Allen hosted the celebrities who were in town, his favorite thing to do, but did not play any music. That may have been one source of the rumors, since a healthy, happy Allen inflicts his guitar-playing on guests at the drop of a hat.

Guests and close friends from last Monday’s party were under the impression that Allen’s quick retreat to Seattle was not about work, but for medical reasons. Allen has recently lost a substantial amount of weight, and that may have been more kindling for the rumors.

A close friend of Allen’s swore to me that he left early for medical reasons, and that his cancer may be back. Let’s hope not. Allen’s spokesman David Postman says it’s untrue, that he spoke to Allen the other day, that he’s busy as ever on email and working hard.

“These rumors started last fall, I don’t know why they’re back,” Postman told me. He says they started around the time similar stories circulated about Apple’s Steve Jobs, who also had a sudden weight drop, spurring illness rumors that turned out be true.