JACKO PUSHES BACK START DATE FOR LONDON SHOWS

I told you two weeks ago–Michael Jackson’s London shows are being pushed back to July 13 start–from July 8th. This came as a “surprise” to TMZ.com and other blogs’ but they read it in this column on May 5th and on May 11th. Hello!

I like that TMZ.com also says that the dates were pushed back because there are fears that Jackson can’t physically get through a whole show. I doubt that either Harvey Levin or I could get through a three-hour’ show like Michael’s, but I am assured the former King of Pop can do it. The reason for the postponement is because the sets won’t be ready.

Blogs equal speculation masquerading as fact.

TARANTINO’S PEOPLE: WHO’S WHO IN ‘BASTERDS’

Here’s just a beginning glossary of who’s been named what or why by Quentin Tarantino in “Inglourious Basterds”:

Brad Pitt’s character, Aldo Raine, is of course named for the Italian actor, Aldo Ray. Hence, our Aldo volunteers to speak Italian, even though he can’t.

There’s a PFC Hirschberg named for New York Times Magazine writer and Tarantino close friend Lynn Hirschberg. Another character, Francesca Mondino is named for photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino.

Daniel Bruhl plays Frederick Zoller, who seems to be named for Broadway producer Fred Zollo, a close friend of Eli Roth, one of the film’s co-stars.

There are also a few references to the Weinstein family: a baby has just been born named Max, the father of Harvey Weinstein. There’s also a Bob and Miriam, Harvey’s brother and mother.

Mike Myers plays General Ed Fenech, named for Edward Fenech Adami, the president of Malta, where “Inglourious” was filmed.

There’s also a German soldier named Edgar Wallace, whose namesake was a famous writer at the turn of the century. The original Edgar Wallace wrote the first screenplay for “King Kong,” a character that figures in a bar parlor game in the movie.

Actor Til Schweiger plays Hugo Stiglitz the only character whose name occasions a gigantic call out name card on screen in the middle of a scene. The real Stiglitz is a very famous Mexican actor and director from the kinds of obscure films Tarantino loves–and only he knows about.

There are a few I’ve missed–which I’m also sure Tarantians have already figured out. A good parlor game–maybe as much fun as the one in the movie!

Quentin Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds” is a big, sprawling entertainment that’s less violent than you’d expect and a tad more intellectual, too. It’s the most ambitious American movie at this year’s Cannes Film Festival and definitely the best in competition. Tarantino fans won’t be disappointed, but they may be challenged more than in the past as this film is more thoughtful and textured in its approach than Tarantino’s other famous efforts.

First the good news: Brad Pitt is excellent and well-used as the lead “Basterd,” Aldo Raine, who hails from Tennessee with a strong Southern accent. Pitt proves a deft comic character once again, and Tarantino plays his star card just enough as Aldo’s gang goes out to kill Nazis on behalf of the U.S. Army with glee and abandon.

But Tarantino offers up a number of surprisingly good supporting players who carry “IB” from beginning to end, including Christoph Waltz as a witty but murderous Nazi commander and Melanie Laurent as the young Jewish woman who is not only his nemesis but the film’s determined heroine. They each make indelible impressions.

The film is told in chapters and feels sometimes disjointed. There’s less brutal action than expected (although plenty for some). The longest and most riveting sequence takes place in a German bar and involves Diane Kruger as a German film star who’s trying to help the allies. As Lt. Archie Hicox, Michael Fassbender is top notch driving this piece, which will definitely push his career ahead several paces.

Of course, as in any Tarantino film, there are references galore to Spaghetti Westerns, obscure texts and cinema heroes. Fifties Hollywood icon Rod Taylor even appears as Winston Churchill. Comedian Mike Myers makes a very good cameo as an aristocratic British war secretary.

“IB” is a fairy tale at heart. Nothing about it is historically correct. Tarantino makes it a “meta” experience as film, he claims, as an incendiary weapon could have changed World War II, saved the world and rewritten history. That’s heavy for Quentin Tarantino but maybe its also a sign he’s grown up.

PENELOPE GETS FOOD POISONING, MISSES ‘NINE’ SHOW

Penelope Cruz missed the Weinstein Company’s presentation of footage from the musical ‘Nine’ yesterday. Instead, Oscar winner Marion Cotillard filled in for her at the modest offices TWC rents each year off the Croisette. About 100 people showed up to see what we’ve all been wondering about: footage from Rob Marshall’s shoot.

And no one can say they were disappointed: ‘Nine’ looks simply amazing. Today a new trailer goes up on the Internet. We were shown that as well as a featurette made up for the occasion of other scenes, backstage stuff, a little bit inside and backstage from the movie musical.

One thing’s for sure: the women of ‘Nine’ are going to be a formidable group come November. The footage is exciting and sexy, a little reminiscent of Marshall’s Oscar-winning ‘Chicago’ and then different enough stylistically to suggest that ‘Nine’ may be explosive.

Interestingly, while Cruz, Cotillard, Nicole Kidman, and the others ‘ as well as Daniel Day-Lewis‘commanded attention in these clips, none other than Dame Judi Dench looked like she will have an integral role in the final cut.

JIM CARREY SNOWS US

In Cannes, Christmas comes just twice a year: in December, but first in May when Disney takes over the Croisette in front of the Carlton Hotel, plops down a Christmas tree, and snows on everything until even in 80 degree heat the Cote d’Azur is a winter wonderland.

That’s what happened yesterday when, in an old-fashioned publicity stunt, the Mouse House launched its promotion for ‘A Christmas Carol’ directed by Robert Zemeckis.

Both Carrey and co-stars Colin Firth and Robin Wright Penn arrived in motorized old-fashioned carriages while snow machines blew white snow powder flakes in large tufts around them and over their heads. It was a brave effort to try and enliven an otherwise depressing year in Cannes devoid of much fluff or chicanery costing more than fifty cents.

Inside the Carlton it was a matter of waiting a bit as the main ballroom filled up. Then a few scenes from ‘A Christmas Carol,’ which is made in stop-capture animation, were revealed on a large screen.

It’s hard to judge the film based on the edited presentation, but my first thought ‘ especially from the movie’s poster’is that the animators may have based their concept on the hideous commercial art of Thomas Kinkade. God bless everyone of us including Tiny Tim if this is the case because, in addition to that, the animation and music spelled ‘very scary’ for a story that’s supposed to charm small children.

Zemeckis has filmed ‘ACC’ in 3D. For the second time in a week the audience was photographed in advance wearing uncomfortable sunglasses with red and blue lenses. Last week, Disney/Pixar’s ‘Up’ was shown in 3D as well. ‘ACC’ is from a new Disney animation venture that’s just been formed in Northern California with Zemeckis designed to remake old Disney movies this way. What’s next? Probably the return of Quadrophonic sound.

PAUL ALLEN’S YACHT PARTY FOR THE B LIST

Paul Allen isn’t green in so many ways. The Microsoft billionaire has lost lots of money. He also runs several yachts including the 413-foot Octopus, one of the biggest boats in the world.

Allen has a home ‘ an estate ‘ near Cannes, so every year he has a big party on the Octopus for Eurotrash. This year was no exception since Allen doesn’t know from recession. Down at the Cannes port, dozens of scantily clad blondes piled up to be checked in and taken to the Octopus by shuttle boats. More ways by which Allen burned up fuel unnecessarily, and turned the Mediterranean into a gas station.

Unfortunately this year there aren’t so many celebs in Cannes to make such a party remarkable. And last night they were spread thin. Penelope Cruz, sick from food poisoning, made a quick appearance at the Hollywood Domino party for GlobalGreen, then went home to prepare for her big day today premiering in Pedro Almodovar’s ‘Broken Embraces.’

That left the usual suspects of the last few days: Ubiquitous Movie Star Paris Hilton, who told guests she was ‘about to sell a movie,’ plus Quentin Tarantino, Tilda Swinton, Brigitte Lacombe, Mick Jagger, Colin Firth, to mix in with the hoi polloi–or should I say, Oy polloi? Paparazzi stood on the dock, praying for a big name to show up. Sure enough, the appearance of Robert Pattinson, the Luke Perry of 2009, did the trick. There was such a frenzy following in Patty’s wake that the photogs knocked over a huge planter onto the sidewalk, along with a stanchion.

On the positive side, I’m told Allen, an awkward social presence at best. was not there. This meant no performance by the tone deaf billionaire rock star and his pick-up band of musicians who cover him. That must have been some relief to those present.

Still, it was nice of Allen to share what’s left of his funds with young strangers in high heels and too short dresses. Forbes recently dropped from No. 19 to No. 32 on their list of top billionaires. They say he’s lost 36% of his wealth in the last year. He’s down to his last $10.5 billion. Yikes! Time to start clipping coupons.

FAREWELL

I couldn’t end today’s column without bidding farewell to a great friend and an institution in Hollywood, Lee Solters. The famed PR man was 89. Lee’s history in the business covers everyone from Frank Sinatra to Michael Jackson. He was publicist for the latter in the ‘Thriller’ era right through Jackson’s embarrassing times in the ’90s with the Chandler investigation, hyperbaric chambers and Elephant Man bones. Lee was one of the Hollywood good guys, with a heart of gold and a tremendous sense of humor. I will miss him. He won’t be forgotten.

MICKEY ROURKE’WANTS’SATISFACTION FROM MICK JAGGER

Mickey Rourke is still living the dream after his near-win Oscar for ‘The Wrestler’ this year.

Rourke, as we know, is the villain in the second ‘Iron Man’ movie with Robert Downey, Jr.

But one of his other projects that’s being fast-tracked is a remake of the 1986 cult hit, ‘Mona Lisa.’ Rourke has the Bob Hoskins role of the cab driver. Eva Green, of recent James Bond fame, fills the memorable shoes of the call girl played by Sammi Davis. (Remember Sammi? She was also one of the stars of John Boorman’s 1987 classic, ‘Hope and Glory.’)

And who do Rourke and director Larry Clark want for the Michael Caine part? Why, none other than Mick Jagger. Mick and his producing partner Victoria Pearman are said to be reading the script by Clark and David Reeves and considering saying yes.

It’s a pretty good idea, really. The new ‘Mona Lisa’ moves from London to New York. Jagger gets to play a sophisticated gangster. Mick always has had the acting bug even though he’s only appeared in a handful of films including ‘Performance’ and ‘Ned Kelly’ back in 1970, and more recently’actually 2001”The Man from Elysian Fields’ and ‘Engima.’

I ran into the timeless Rolling Stones leader this week in Cannes, where he and statuesque ladyfriend L’Wren Scott are the houseguest of famed international photographer and personality Johnny Pigozzi. Eternally youthful, the 65 year old grandfather looks ready for just about anything. Here’s hoping he signs-or sings’on the dotted line.

By the way, the ‘Mona Lisa’ producers would do well to get Jagger to record a few songs for their soundtrack. A couple of years ago he and Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics did just that for the remake of ‘Alfie’ with Jude Law. The songs turned out better than the movie, and wound up winning awards and garnering rave reviews.

JULIAN LENNON IS A SOMEWHERE MAN

Last night on the Croisette, Julian Lennon either experienced kismet or instant karma.

John Lennon’s eldest son was in Cannes, and accepted an invitation to come over from the posh Hotel 314 to a party at one of the beach clubs’called for this week, inelegantly, Plage Vitaminwater. (It’s called branding, kids.)

It was only as he approached the club, Julian told me later, that he realized the party was to announce completion of ‘Nowhere Boy,’ a new film about his dad’s early days in Liverpool coming from The Weinstein Company next year. It’s based on a memoir by Lennon’s sister, Julia, that was published in the 1980s.

‘When I saw the pictures of the four young lads, I realized what was going on,’ said Julian, who was a decided sport about the whole thing. He was soon sitting in a little roped off area with famed actress Kristin Scott Thomas, who plays his dad’s legendary Aunt Mimi. Pretty weird, huh?

‘I really didn’t know about the movie,’ Julian told me. ‘So I took out my phone and called my mother in Spain”that’s Cynthia Lennon, John’s first wife”and asked her what it was. She knew all about it.’

In case you’re wondering, Julian’who had big hits in the 1980s’is working on his first album release in 10 years. ‘It should be out in January,’ he said. ‘We’re working on doing it right, with the right kind of label and release.’ You can hear a couple of the very catchy songs on Julian’s MySpace page.

As for the Beatles, Julian also told me he was very pleased to receive a birthday card from Paul McCartney this year. Lennon turned 46 on April 8th. ‘He actually wrote, ‘It’s been too long, we have to get together.’ It was so nice of him.’

RACHEL WEISZ IS NOT AGORA-PHOBIC

The big premiere in Cannes last night was Alejandro Amenabar’s historic big-scale epic, called ‘Agora.’ It comes to the Croisette with a budget of over $70 million, paid for with Spanish money. You can see it all up on the screen, too, every bit of it: the sets, built in Malta, are spectacular. There are amazing costumes and tons of real extras, not computer generated.

‘Agora’ tells the story of Hypatia, the fourth century A.D. female scholar and astronomer who lived in Alexandria, Egypt. Hypatia found herself in the center of wars among the Christians, Jews, and Pagans. She was such an intellectual that for a while she was the rare woman to whom men deferred to in a decidedly chauvinistic time.

Rachel Weisz, who was nominated for an Oscar in ‘The Constant Gardener,’ is absolutely luminous as Hypatia. It’s a rare role for an actress, and Weisz is superb. She truly lights up the screen and carries the film as the lone woman among some strong actors: Oscar Isaac, Max Minghella, Rupert Evans, and Michael Lonsdale.

This cast is directed by Amenebar as a seamless ensemble, although Isaac and Minghella are standouts. Twenty-nine-year-old Isaac ‘now filming ‘Robin Hood’ with Russell Crowe–now leaps as a contender in the category of solid younger leading men. Minghella, 24, is startlingly good as Hypatia’s doomed student, Davus. If you’re wondering, he’s the son of beloved late ‘English Patient’ director Anthony Minghella, who died suddenly last year at age 54. Max will have to endure so many people telling him how proud his dad would be, but it’s true.

Rachel Weisz said after the screening that she based her no-nonsense character on her great aunt, a famous endocrinologist who never married and was devoted to science and career. This makes her reading of Hypatia exact and unforgettable, a sure candidate for awards attention this fall.

But Hypatia was also a virgin, and so ‘Agora’ ‘ though it has three attractive young leads’remains a little cold at times and distinctly non-passionate. Amenabar’s handling of science and philosophy is impeccable, and I loved the various conversations among Pagans, Jews, and Christians about the universe. Watching them all struggle to understand who they were, and how the galaxy worked, was utterly fascinating.

But some in the audience were disappointed: no sex scenes, no obvious love story among the trio to pull the story through to the end. Can ‘Agora’ live like this to have a great release? I think so. It’s a movie about ideas, with a lot of realistic warring in a cool setting. The rest, for once, we’ll have to imagine.

MARIAH WILL WRITE/SING ‘PRECIOUS’ THEME

Mariah Carey is so good in Lee Daniels’s ‘Precious’ in a small pivotal role of a social worker. But her involvement in this extradordinary independent film won’t stop there. She told me yesterday at a lunch in Cannes that she and Jermaine Dupri are recording a theme song called ‘100 Percent’ to be adde to the final print.’ Expect to see and hear Miss Mariah at the Oscars next March.

Indeed, expect to see all the folks from ‘Precious’ at lots of awards shows next winter. ‘Precious’ is this year’s ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ or ‘Juno.’ It’s a passionate, breathtaking offbeat drama that if handled properly’and that’s questionable at this point since Lionsgate is not Fox Searchlight’could upset everyone’s apple carts.

‘Precious’ is not in competition at Cannes because it was already shown at Sundance. Nevertheless, if it were part of the main race here, it would win hands down. It’s just that good. Lee Daniels has taken the work of African-American cult writer Sapphire and wrought a deeply honest, affecting, and indelible portrait of a young woman’s triumph out of abuse.

Clareece Precious Jones is a 16 year old, morbidly obese and pregnant for the second time. She’s an incest victim, and she’s physically and mentally abused by her mother. This horror of a human being is played by comedian Mo’Nique in a performance that is guaranteed Best Supporting Actress in every award show. You’ve never seen anything like it: I cannot wait for the first Oscar nominee with an apostrophe in her name.

Precious is played by newcomer Gabourey ‘Gabby’ Sidibe, who got the part after one audition. Like Ellen Page in Juno, Gaby is going to startle audiences who may think that she is Precious. She is not. She is simply a gifted, natural actress who has an amazing presence. The 26 year old New Yorker is going to be an actual overnight sensation.

Daniels, who produced ‘Monster’s Ball,’ fills out the rest of ‘Precious’ with a talented supporting cast. Paula Patton, a striking beauty, is Precious’s astute, involved teacher. Mariah and Lenny Kravitz are each excellent in their supporting roles. Carey is a revelation as the social worker who must bring the movie to its climactic moment toward the end. She does everything right as Mo’Nique and Gaby play out the film’s incendiary truths.

One thing ‘Precious’ does need, however: better back end credits. I’m sure whoever designed them thought they were clever, but the actors’ names are hard to read and disappear too quickly. Trust me, everyone’s going to want to sit and see who’s who when this film comes to an end. The producers should make it easier.

If you don’t know already, Oprah’Winfrey’and Tyler Perry saw ‘Precious’ and decided to ‘present’ it to the public this fall. I hope they can get some others on the bandwagon, like Ellen Degeneres and Anderson Cooper. ‘Precious’ has got to be a film that is not missed’by adults and teens, too. And PS, there’s great older tracks from LaBelle on the soundtrack and a couple from Lenny Kravitz, too.

WOODSTOCK RETOLD, BUT WITHOUT MUSIC

If someone said, I’m going to make a movie about the 1969 Woodstock music festival but without any of its classic music’what would you say?

The great director Ang Lee has made ‘Talking Woodstock’ based on the memoirs of a little known player in the 1969 festival named Elliott Tiber (nee Teichberg). Elliot’s parents ran the dumpy motel on the grounds where the Woodstock festival took place in upstate New York. Tiber (he changed his name) claims that it was his idea to bring the festival famously to Max Yasgur‘s nearby farm.’

This summer is the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, so it’s time for tie-ins and cash-ins. On the face of it, an Ang Lee movie on this subject seems cool. He made a masterpiece in ‘The Ice Storm,’ another piece from the same period where he got so much right you’d think he’d been in New Canaan, Connecticut in 1972.

‘Taking Woodstock’ is also slavishly reproduced right down to the white Ford Falcon Elliot drives, and all the touches of people watching Neil Armstrong landing on the moon. There’s background talk of the Vietnam War. All of that is precisely detailed. But some things are missing for a New York story: for example, it’s 1969, but no one mentions the historic winning season of the Amazin’ Mets.

Ang Lee’s movies fall into two categories. ‘Ice Storm,’ ‘Sense and Sensibility,’ ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ are among my favorites. There are some missteps, like ‘Ride with the Devil’ and ‘Lust, Caution.’ I don’t think ‘Talking Woodstock’ is actually in that category, but it’s often a dull endeavor. Where the Woodstock music might have been valuably weaved through Elliot’s story (he actually missed the concert even though he was there), Lee has jettisoned it almost completely. There’s just a bit of Crosby Stills, Nash singing ‘Wooden Ships’ and a snippet of the Doors. You do hear Country Joe and the Fish in the background. But that’s pretty much it.

The inexpressive Demetri Martin wanders around as Elliot, a fairly one dimensional character without much charm. If Woodstock was really his idea, it’s hard to imagine how he inspired people to go along with it. Much better is Jonathan Groff as Michael Lang, the real organizer, and Mamie Gummer as his hippie girlfriend. If you can forgive their bad hippie wigs, then this pair is the most fun and used too sparingly. There’s also an urge to call this ‘Brokeback Hippie,’ as’with so many Ang Lee films’the central character turns out to be gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

There are a couple of goofy over the top performances campy enough to keep you watching: Imelda Staunton as Elliot’s hardcore older Jewish mother reminded me a little of Frances McDormand’s strident mother in ‘Almost Famous.’ (The parents are much older, and they say they’ve been married 40 years. They are obviously immigrants. Are they Holocaust survivors? Unclear.) Liev Schreiber is hilarious as a pre-op drag queen who volunteers to head Elliot’s security force. He’s like the cinematic cousin of John Lithgow from ‘The World According to Garp.’

James Schamus’s script doesn’t delineate the many hippies and yuppies in training who descend on Max Yasgur’s farm. Hippies were colorful types, but in ‘Taking Woodstock’ they’re interchangeable’especially when they take off their clothes. Paul Dano and Emile Hirsch are wasted, literally and figuratively. So is the guy who plays Dead Denny on ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ This could have been the ‘Nashville’ of hippie movies, and you can only wonder how Robert Altman would have sculpted this whole scene and given it meaning. You’d be better off watching ‘Hair’ to know what was going on in America at this moment in time’and there’s great music.

In the end, Lee and James Schamus missed what could have been the funniest refrain of this movie entirely. They just didn’t get’how millions of people claim to have been at Woodstock but couldn’t possibly have been there. And then here was Elliot, who claims to have put the thing in motion and then didn’t bother to go down to the show. The movie implies he had an LSD-fueled m’nage a trios with a young hippie couple in a van while the music played outside. Let’s hope the next installment isn’t what’s suggested here’the Rolling Stones’s disastrous Altamont concert, as told by a t shirt vendor who only heard about the infamous murder of a fan but was off getting a beer at the time.

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA UNCORKS HIS OWN FAMILY DRAMA

Francis Ford Coppola can’t get away from families, no matter what business they’re in.

At 70 years old, he’s the once and always director of two of the great film s ever made”The Godfather’ I and II. And then, of course, there’s ‘Apocalypse Now.’ These are huge landmarks in motion picture history, unprecedented and never replaced.

But Coppola has never equaled those successes. He’s opted for smaller ones (‘Peggy Sue Got Married’), to be a producer of note, and a Northern California vintner. He’s also produced an Oscar nominee daughter, Sofia, director of ‘Lost in Translation’ and ‘Marie Antoinette.’

On Thursday, Coppola came to Cannes but not to the official festival. Instead, his ‘Tetro’ opened the Directors Fortnight, the prestigious side festival that often produces surprise hits like ‘Control’ from two years ago.

Certainly the lines at 9am on Thursday were an indication of Coppola’s continued legacy. The crowds were massive an hour before the first showing of ‘Tetro’ at the theater under the former Noga Hilton (now known, ridiculously, as the Palais Stephanie).

Who knows what the mostly international audience thought as ‘Tetro’ unreeled for the first time. It’s possible that many of them did not come in knowing the ‘baggage’ that accompanies actor Vincent Gallo, brawling, coarse star of New York’s gossip pages. Gallo’s reputation precedes him as the New Yorker you’d most not want at your dinner table.

It turns out that on screen he is an abrasive, mostly repellant figure. It doesn’t help that his title character is exactly these things, an unsympathetic lout who snarls, pouts and flees when the going gets rough. He’s a charmless Sonny Corleone.

In a circuitous manner, ‘Tetro’ slowly reveals itself to be Coppola’s attempt to tell a story from his own family. His father, Carmine Coppola, and uncle Anton were each musicians, composers, and conductors. But Anton had the early fame and success. It wasn’t until Francis became a star director that he was able to showcase his father, who then flourished writing the scores to ‘The Godfather’ and other Coppola movies. His great success came in 1981 when Francis staged a live showing of the restored silent film, ‘Napoleon,’ with his father leading a symphony orchestra at Radio City Music Hall.

Coppola has reversed the story of the two musician brothers so that the successful one ‘ Tetro’s father’is the main character. He’s a world class conductor and a horrible man, who’s ruined his son’s life including claiming his grandson as his son. (It’s kind of ‘Falcon Crest’ meets ‘Star Wars.’) It’s Tetro’s kindly uncle who’s now the sympathetic brother. But even Coppola realizes the villain is more interesting, so conductor Tetroccini is the central player here.

All of this is set in Buenos Aires, which substitutes for the Coppola family’s Italy. Cinematographer Mihai Malaimare, Jr. shoots the city in gorgeous black and white, with bursts of gorgeously drenched color to show scenes from the Tetro’s terrible and haunted past. You see, Tetro is now a ex-pat writer and sometime mental patient who’s let himself be destroyed by dad. When Bennie, his much ‘younger brother’ shows up in the form of newcomer Alden Ehrenreich (a cross between Michael Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio), you know there’s going to be trouble. It doesn’t help that the big plot twist is what they used to call ‘telegraphed’ almost by Western Union. Maybe now they call it ‘twittered.’

And telegrams are a problem, too. When young Bennie arrives, he reminds his brother’s girlfriend (the welcome Maribel Verdu) that he sent them just that, a telegram, announcing his imminent arrival. He didn’t email or use a cell phone. What year is it, exactly? For a long time, no current means of communication are displayed. We see a manual typewriter. The black and white film, the attitudes, suggest a time in the recent past. So it’s a little funny when Bennie finally sits down to work on a play, and he’s using a brand new Apple laptop.

Coppola didn’t like it much at the Q&A after the screening when I asked about the autobiographical aspects of the film. He replied, ‘Nothing in this story happened, but everything is true.’ That information, and two bucks, will get you on the subway. The tag line for the film is ‘Every family has its secrets.’ My guess is the Coppola’s had theirs. Now the director has turned his memory of all that stuff into a kind of Playhouse 90 TV drama.

He certainly has nothing to prove. But ‘Tetro’ feels more than a little ‘retro’ and not quite the sophisticated piece of movie making you’d expect from Coppola at this point.’ It’s not the production. It’s the material. Coppola is too close to his sources. His screenplay feels like it has hidden asterisks that point to footnotes the audience doesn’t receive.

PS Just as a bit of trivia, on their Wikipedia entries neither brother Carmine or Anton Coppola mentions the existence of the other’only all their other family connections.

JERRY LEWIS WILL ANNOUNCE COMEBACK

He turned 83 in March right after getting the Jean Hershholt Humanitarian Oscar. Jerry Lewis never looked better that night. We should have known he was up to something.

So now, Lewis is coming to the Cannes Film Festival on Friday to make an announcement: he’s going to star in his very own comeback film. I’m told it’s a dramatic role ‘about love’ and called, possibly, ‘Max Rose.’

Details are sketchy but the word is that financing is in place and that Lewis, who’s feeling great after some tricky health years, is ready to show new generations what made him a legend. He’s not going to exit this life as a telethon host.

Lewis has made on and off appearances on primetime TV shows over the years. His last actual feature film was a Peter Chelsom movie called ‘Funny Bones.’

Lewis has no acting Oscars or even Golden Globes (hard to believe since he could have just taken that crowd to Vegas for the weekend). He’s best remembered for movies like ‘The Nutty Professor’ and ‘Boeing Boeing’ among a string of hit comedies from the early 60s and late 50s. He actually has a credit for something that sounds hilariously awful called’ “How to Smuggle a Hernia’ Across the Border.’

But the pinnacle of Lewis’s film success came in 1982 with Martin Scorsese’s classic, ‘The King of Comedy.’ It’s a coincidence that Lewis is announcing his new film tomorrow since Scorsese is also in Cannes with the news that he’s making a film about Frank Sinatra, one of Lewis’s old cohorts from the halcyon days of the Rat Pack.

Lewis, by the way, told me at the Oscars that he wasn’t so much a fan of the recent hit Broadway adaptation of ‘Boeing Boeing.’ But it did encourage him to start planning a Broadway version of ‘The Nutty Professor,’ a project over which he would have total control. With that, he whacked the gold covered chocolate Oscar off its pedestal on his Governors Ball desert’for comic effect’and ate it in one bite.

UP, UP, AND AWAY: DISNEY MAKES A BALLOON PAYMENT

What could you do if your house went into foreclosure? Here’s one possible solution: tie a million red yellow blue and green helium balloons to it and sail away.

That’s what Carl Fredericksen does in the new Pixar-Disney hit, ‘Up,’ which opened the 62nd Annual Festival de Cannes last night. Of course, it’s not foreclosure exactly on Carl’s mind. It’s just that he’s old and developers want his house. As a tribute to his late wife, Ellie, Carl decides to fly their home to a mountaintop and fulfill Ellie’s lifelong wish.

The audience loved ‘Up’ last night even though the American stars of the film’Edward Asner (Lou Grant!) and Christopher Plummer were not present. French legend Charles Aznavour was on hand though to kick off this year’s proceedings, and that did a lot to kickstart the mostly French audience into a frenzy. Aznavour is their Tony Bennett, so you know what means: adulation.

The opening night ceremonies also debut this year’s Cannes jury including head juror Isabelle Huppert, also a French icon, and Robin Wright Penn, the about to divorced from wife of Sean Penn who was last year’s head juror. The word is that Robin asked Sean to call Cannes chief Thierry Fremaux and get her seated on the jury. Maybe it’s part of the divorce. But it’s also a great idea. RPW has long labored under the radar as a fine actress. My prediction is that she really takes off now.

But back to ‘Up’: it’s a gamble for Pixar that the crux of their story is about an octogenarian on a mission. Ed Asner is not Justin Timberlake. The other voices’Plummer, Delroy Lindo’are no teen heartthrobs either. There’s only one young character, a sidekick boy named Russell played by newcomer Jordan Nagai. So there are publicity issues. But Pixar’s Pete Docter and Bob Peterson, and of course, John Lasseter, are at the point where they can bet the house, so to speak, on whatever they want. The result is that ‘Up’ is incredibly charming and moving, a great family picture that will have much resonance for the parents and grandparents who will take their kids in droves to see it.

There was a swanky after party following the premiere at the Palais, with so many food stations you’d never know there was a recession. I ran into actress Elizabeth Banks, looking gorgeous in a flowing Armani gown. She’s here as the first deployment of L’Oreal spokesmodels this week. Kerry Washington and a few others are due shortly. Roxy Music’s Bryan Ferry was loping around the room, and Aznavour himself’dressed sharply in a white dinner jacket’was a magnet for paparazzi and fans.

JIM CARREY TOYS WITH MORE CAREER SUICIDE

Jim Carrey‘so talented, so funny, so perplexing. Remember the good old days of ‘Liar Liar,’ ‘Ace Ventura,’ even ‘The Truman Show.’ Carrey had it all. I didn’t even mind him playing Andy Kaufman in ‘Man on the Moon.’ My goodness”Bruce Almighty’ was six years ago already!

But there was also ‘The Cable Guy.’ Yikes! A disaster. ‘The Number 23,’ which, let’s face it, no one saw. ‘The Majestic’ was terrible, and no one could make heads or tails of ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.’ (Stop pretending you did!)

Now comes ‘I Love You, Philip Morris.’ A dud at Sundance, no one wanted this romp about a gay conman (Carrey) and his mark (Ewan MacGregor). Every distributor passed on it. Somehow it’s gotten into the Directors Fortnight here in Cannes. Maybe we’ll be pleasantly surprised. But maybe not.

Can you remember a Jim Carrey movie that only has release dates set for Brazil, Finland, Netherlands, and Romania? Do those countries have ‘Access Hollywood?’

‘Philip Morris”which has nothing to do the tobacco company’just got picked up by a small distributor Consolidated Pictures Group, which has set the US release for Valentine’s Day 2010. This will be considered counterprogramming to the Winter Olympics.

Here’s my career move for Jim Carrey: I think he should play Jacob in the last season of ‘Lost.’ It’s perfect. He can explain everything that’s happened, then do some time travel and erase all his bad films.

CANNES 09: WHO SAID THERE’S NO MONEY?

The Cannes Film Festival begins tonight, and all the talk is about ‘Up,’ from Pixar/Disney. It has no stars present, not even beloved Ed Asner, who’s apparently the main voice in the already well reviewed animated film. But what does it matter? ‘Up’ is what people are discussing, as new arrivals look around to see who’s here, if anyone, if the gossip about a low turn out is true.

So far, so good, though: the private planes are said to be backed up for landing in Nice. The train from Paris to Cannes yesterday afternoon was full. The hotels’which were said to have empty rooms galore’so far are said to be in good condition. Last night the local restaurants were busy as expected for the night before the festival.

Fear is not doing much to drive away the Cannes regulars. Recession has not quite hit the Rue d’Antibes, even though there are a couple of commercial establishments empty with ‘to lease’ signs in their windows. Mostly, the Cannes shopping district looks in good shape. The town is ready for a good run.

And why not? Brad Pitt and Mariah Carey are coming, so is Francis Ford Coppola. Quentin Tarantino and Harvey Weinstein are bringing their whole gang for ‘Inglourious Basterds.’ Everyone is curious about Terry Gilliam’s ‘Doctor Parnassus,’ the last film with Heath Ledger that has three other stars filling out his unfinished work.

As well, the Cannes market is buzzing. This is the place where films needing funding, or just completed but needing distribution, are flogged by distributors. This is usually a group of films that Americans will see only on airplanes or DVD, but you never know what will break out. One eye catcher is something advertised in trade paper Screen International called ‘The Expendables.’ It’s maybe a prescient title, since the stars listed are Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and’oh yes’Mickey Rourke.

On the other hand, the same company-NuImage/Millenium’is touting ‘Solitary Man’ starring Michael Douglas, Susan Sarandon, Danny DeVito, and Mary Louise Parker, written and directed by the hot team of Brian Koppleman and David Levien. Steven Soderbergh is producing. I don’t know if they’ve even made it yet, but I want to see it. So there.

There are plenty of would be projects like that: another one that I’m chomping at the bit for is ‘Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll,’ the story of the beloved Ian Dury. Andy Serkis will play the polio-crippled genius rocker whose new wave hits included ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’ and ‘Reasons to Be Cheerful, Pt. 1.’ Toby Jones and Ray Winstone are in the cast. The whole set up has great promise.

And here’s an intriguing entry: Mark Ruffalo’s directing debut, ‘Sympathy for the Delicious.’ Ruffalo plays a newly paralyzed music DJ who struggles to survive L.A. in his wheelchair. Juliette Lewis co-stars.

There’s also this listing from the strange company Peace Arch, which has been irresponsible for making some bad movies like ‘Hound Dog’ and ‘Chapter 27.’ They’ve got a documentary that lists Hugh Jackman, Ringo Starr, and David Copperfield answering the question, ‘What is god?’ It’s appropriately titled ‘Oh My God.’ Indeed.

‘STAR TREK’ TROUNCES ‘WOLVERINE’; ‘DUPLICITY’ DISSOLVES

The Monday to Tuesday drop off is here, and ‘Wolverine’ didn’t do so well. The X Man retracted his claws, box office fell 71.2% from Sunday. ‘Star Trek,’ on the other hand, fell only 64% from Sunday. My guess is that ‘Star Trek’ fans are trekking back to see this great ride again, while the Wolveriners can simply go to the internet for more helpings. Why hasn’t Fox gotten that movie down? It’s been six weeks!

‘ ‘Duplicity’ ends its theatre run this week, with $40 million in the till. A third of that goes to Julia Roberts. Something goes to Clive Owen. Universal took a hit here, which was too bad. There was much potential. No what for Julia? ‘Fireflies in the Garden’ comes in June. It’s not very good, and Julia’s only in it because hubby Danny Moder is the cameraman. Roberts has got to get a new team, and find some comedy scripts toot sweet, as they say. Maybe one could be about a successful woman who learns not to be bitter and sarcastic. Bring in Colin Firth to save her…