The LA Film Critics’ votes are in. So  interesting: they completely ignored “Get Out” and threw “Mudbound” a bone. They also snubbed “The Post” and “Phantom Thread.”

They tell you who the runners up are, just to make those people feel bad. And here’s the things with critics’ awards. They don’t affect the Oscars one iota. Nothing. So don’t get excited.

Best Picture— “Call Me By Your Name”

Best Director— tie- Luca Guadagnino “Call Me,” Guillermo del Toro, “The Shape of Water”

Best Actor— Timothee Chalamet, “Call Me”

Best Actress– Sally Hawkins, “The Shape of Water”

So runners up in Best Supporting Actor/Actress are Sam Rockwell, for Three Billboards, and Mary J. Blige for Mudbound. There was too much drama for Mary J. apparently.

The winners are William Dafoe for The Florida Project, just like the New York Film Critics; and Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird, the likely Oscar winner.

Roger Deakins, the great cinematographer, was the runner up for Blade Runner 2049. They couldn’t just give him the top spot. The winner was Dan Laustsen for The Shape of Water.

Documentary winner: Agnes Varda for “Faces Places”; runner up “Jane” by Brett Morgen.

The whole runner up thing is very Los Angeles/Hollywood. They’re going to make you feel bad for doing something great.

Friday was Woody Allen’s 82nd birthday. It brought the release of his 52nd or 53rd film depending on how you count them. He didn’t direct “What’s New, Pussycat?” He just wrote it. And he only directed a third of “New York Stories.” But still, it’s quite an achievement.

And I know, you don’t like him because of Mia Farrow, etc. I’m skipping that part. Woody’s been married to Soon Yi Previn for 25 years and has two terrific daughters who are now adults. Everyone else skips that part.

But I’m wishing Woody a happy birthday. His work speaks for itself. Of 52 movies, more than two thirds are excellent. Among the others some are ok, some are boring, some are bad. They’re never not interesting. I could pick five favorites and maybe two I don’t like or didn’t get. (Those would “Cassandra’s Dream” and “Curse of the Jade Scorpion.”

On the plus side there’s his Oscar winner, “Annie Hall,” and its companions, “Manhattan” and “Hannah and Her Sisters.” There are the outrageous comedies “Bananas,” “Take the Money and Run,” and “Sleeper.” There’s the great mid period with “Broadway Danny Rose,” “Zelig,” “Crimes and Misdemeanors,” etc. There’s a late- mid period with “Bullets Over Broadway” and “Mighty Aphrodite.”

And then there’s the late period: “Match Point,” “Vicky Cristina Barcelona,” “Midnight in Paris,” and “Blue Jasmine.”

So that’s 15 really really great movies. What other filmmaker make that claim? Plus, I have a soft spot for “Alice,” and for “Deconstructing Harry,” and for Patricia Clarkson’s part of “Whatever Works,” and Elaine May in “Small Time Crooks.” And I skipped “The Purple Rose of Cairo” (magic) and Tony Roberts constantly changing his number with his phone service in “Play it Again, Sam.”

Let’s not forget all the Oscars for actors: Diane Keaton, two for Dianne Wiest, one each for Mira Sorvino, Cate Blanchett, Penelope Cruz. And there are dozens more nominations.

So I’m celebrating Woody this weekend. “Wonder Wheel” may be flawed, but it doesn’t matter. There’s always “Rainy Day in New York.” Woody Allen’s canon is forever.

This is a first: a director, Bryan Singer, has disappeared from his movie. The studio has halted production on the London set of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” the story of singer Freddie Mercury and the group Queen. Singer went off to Thanksgiving and never returned, apparently.

The studio says: : “Twentieth Century Fox Film has temporarily halted production on Bohemian Rhapsody due to the unexpected unavailability of Bryan Singer.”

Singer’s publicist then said: “This is a personal health matter concerning Bryan and his family.  Bryan hopes to get back to work on the film soon after the holidays.”

I’ll bet Fox and star Rami Malek hope he gets back to work soon, too.

This is highly unusual. But Singer has disappeared from sets before. More urgently, in this time of sexual harassment accusations, Singer is often mentioned. Once a great friend of Kevin Spacey, whom he directed in “The Usual Suspects,” Singer was named three years ago in a scandalous lawsuit claiming he was part of a sex ring. The case was dismissed eventually. But Singer’s name still turns up in various stories. It’s unclear whether his being AWOL has something to do with a new case or possibly a story.

Is this the real life? Or is it just fantasy? Absolutely nothing about this story makes sense, and the “health” excuse doesn’t ring true. But we’ll see.

We were in full Oscar swing this week with screenings, receptions, meet and greets, reunions. Pre-nomination time is like a big wedding with ten different families. You must learn everyone’s names and relationships, remember who’s in what movie or multiple movies– which can be very disturbing even if you’re just drinking water.

The multiple movie guy this year is Michael Stuhlbarg. He was the star of the Coen Brothers’ “A Serious Man” a few years ago. He’s become the one of the most valued character actors in Hollywood. He’s like a throwback to real acting– amazing.

Stuhlbarg this year is featured in “Call Me By Your Name,” “The Shape of Water,” and “The Post.” All three will be nominated for Best Picture, so I’m hoping Michael will give me one of his Oscar seats! He can’t be nominated from all three, but it’s generally acknowledged he’s a shoo in for “Call Me,” in which he plays the most understanding parent in the world. The speech he gives at the end of the movie is something to behold.

Stuhlbarg was one of the guests Thursday night at a Fox Searchlight  reception for what seemed like everything but was supposed to be about Guillermo del Toro’s “The Shape of Water.” To slick things along, del Toro brought bottles of the tequila Patron makes for him and sells for $400 in an extraordinary box. They had plain and orange flavored; I had the former, which killed my toothache (long story) and cleared my head enough to greet Frances McDormand, who’ll be up for an Oscar herself from “Three Billboards from Ebbing, Missouri.”

I thought it was the tequila, but Frances McDormand was smiling at me. Usually she does not like compliments. I said, “You’re really great in that movie.” She responded, smiling, “I’m going to accept that compliment! Thank you!” Maybe she had had the tequila, too. del Toro may be on to something. The man from Patron later showed us the whole box– a “shrine” as it were, to del Toro and Tequila. Alas, we couldn’t fit it under our coats entre nous. But another shot glass-worth and I understood the whole concept of “The Shape of Water,” an extraordinary film in which Sally Hawkins mates with a sea creature. (We met him, too, an actor named Doug Jones. He is not running against Roy Moore.)

Earlier in the day, Jessica Chastain time traveled from Tokyo to Le Grenouille on East 52nd St. to talk about Aaron Sorkin’s film, “Molly’s Game.” She may have used a device left over from her time in Christopher Nolan’s “Interstellar.” Literally, she was in Japan and the next day she was at lunch with us. She told us that Sorkin originally handed her a 205 page script (most scripts are at max 120 pages). “I read it and he said, no no I’ve shortened it and sent me a new script. It was two hundred and three pages. I said, Aaron, it’s not a lot different.”

The final script was around 170 pages, but Chastain– who is sensational as real life poker mistress Molly Bloom– says, a Sorkin script has so much narration while other things are going on, that that may account for the length. She says all those words, too.

Meantime, Christopher Nolan himself, wife producer wife Emma Thomas, let a bunch of people watch “Dunkirk” on IMax this week, then met the crowd for lunch at Lincoln restaurant and a Q&A. I think the crowd was dazed by the “Dunkirk” genius–this is what you get Best Picture for. Ask David Lean. Mark Rylance, who should be nominated for Best Supporting Actor, couldn’t come because he was rehearsing a play. But Nolan and Thomas were quite enough.

Everyone had questions including director Barry Levinson, Candice Bergen, and so on. The honorable George S. Stevens Jr., whose famous father made historic World War II documentaries, moderated the panel discussion. There was a lot of talk about camera size, weight and film grain. “Dunkirk” is a masterpiece. One thing I learned was that Nolan is obsessed with Terrence Malick’s “Thin Red Line,” and has watched it over and over.

“I think he’s more poetic than me,” Nolan said, but no one agreed with him. “Dunkirk” is like a tone poem filmed by Malick starring Kurt Vonnegut’s Billy Pilgrim as a time traveler. And that is no mean feat!