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Jean Claude van Damme, Reality Star for A&E?

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Jean Claude Van Damme–the “Muscles from Brussels”–is about to become a reality TV star. In America, we will likely see him on A&E.

He’s arrived in Cannes, is staying on a yacht, and has brought his 20ish son Kristopher van Varenberg as Creative Director. Tomorrow, on the Apache, he’s throwing a cocktail party to announce that he’s going to become the next Ozzy Osbourne or Gene Simmons.

Why not?

Van Damme is already an international star. There should be a lot of interest in seeing him as he gets ready for an October fight with Somluck Kamsing, the 1996 Olympic gold medalist in boxing. (The joke, of course, is that Van Damme will need “some luck” to beat this guy. Ha, ha.)

There was a lot of buzz about British firm ITV doing this deal with Van Damme last winter. But now the 50 year old superstar tells me it’s really happening, and it’s going to be a lot of fun.

“You’re going to see my family, and everything that surrounds it,” he told me last night at the “Robin Hood” premiere in Cannes. He was accompanied by his French agent and by Kristopher, whose mother is Gladys Portugues–van Damme’s third wife and his current wife (they were divorced but remarried in 1999).

There’s certainly going to be speculation that JCVD at 50 won’t be in shape for a big kick boxing match against an Olympic winner. But he is solid as a rock, to quote Ashford & Simpson. When you tap him on the arm, he feels like steel. Unlike Kirstie Alley, Van Damme has physical goals that will be met–and be obvious to the viewer.

More importantly for reality TV, JCVD is a lively, engaging character. He’s funny, and talks constantly. He’s extremely articulate. There won’t be any lack of things to do or talk about. And he divides him time between Hong Kong and Los Angeles, so the venues will be somewhat exotic.

This is all pretty funny when you think about it. Back in 1983, when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth, A&E was called Arts & Entertainment. At Ballantine Books, we produced a half hour show for them on video tape called “Now in Paperback.” It was very quaint.

Russell Crowe: Cate Blanchett is A Good Kisser

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Cate Blanchett is the perfect woman.

Forget the fact that she spoke perfect, fluent French last night from the stage of the Palais des Festivals for the Cannes Film Festival premiere of “Robin Hood.”

Or that she walked, in high heels, in the rain, on a soaked red carpet from the Palais, down the huge outdoor staircase, up a long sidewalk and across the street to the Majestic Hotel after the “Robin Hood” premiere covered just by a large umbrella and holding–bunched up in one arm–the train of her specially designed Alexander McQueen gown.

The black and white dress, emblazoned with an eagle, was designed for Blanchett for the March 7th Academy Awards by McQueen. It was the last dress he personally cut, her agent told me, before tragically committed sucide on February 11th.

Mon dieu!

I was walking behind her, in a group of Blanchettes, and her publicist Lisa Kasteller said, “I wish someone took this picture.” For once, there was no paparazzi. It looked like a picture out of the old Life magazine!

Forget all that. Russell Crowe told me last night, at the very late night after party for “Robin Hood.” something more important: “She’s a great kisser.”

Blanchett was also a sport. The wild, climactic war scene from “Robin Hood” took 11 days to film, with 1500 extras, on a beach in Wales last summer. Crowe says he was there the whole time, despite British press reports.

“We also stayed in trailers. I did a lot of cooking,” he told me. “Mostly steaks and chicken. Did you know my mum was a movie caterer when I was growing up?” he asked.

I did not. Neither did Benicio del Toro, who was sitting with Crowe and hanging on his every word.

“Cate would change and come hang out with us boys,” Crowe said, and smiled admiringly. He loved that about her, too. “And you can see we do have great chemistry on screen.”

They do. And a sequel to “Robin Hood” seems likely to us viewers, Crowe says it would be “incredibly expensive.”

“We have to hit a number,” he told me, “on this one and see how we do.”

“Robin Hood” is a big old fashioned movie, and one not to miss when it’s released Friday. The human scope of it is grand and all real. There’s very little CGI. The big scenes were all shot — especially one with gigantic landing barges carrying the extras to battle on that Welsh beach.

There are also a lot of bows and arrows. Some of them are obviously computer generated. But Crowe says he got into it. “My instructor asked me what I liked about it, and I said I loved the flight of the arrow, not the hitting of the target. He replied that meant I was the real thing.”

PS Also at the opening of the Cannes Film Festival last night: Universal Pictures’ Ron Meyer, plus Salma Hayek with husband Francois Pinault, Cuba Gooding Jr., Gael Garcia Bernal, Brett Ratner, Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford, and Cate’s super agent Hylda Queally. Kristen Scott Thomas was the stunning mistress of ceremonies for the presentation that preceded the screening of “Robin Hood.” Head juror Tim Burton received a lovely special segment with clips from all his films. A French pop singer Lady GaGa wannabe performed some of the music from his movies.

She’d better look out: the real GaGa is coming to town next Tuesday. Batten down the hatches!

Famous Las Vegas Brothel Story Coming to Cannes

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This is a big week for Oscar winner Helen Mirren.

The famed British actress got to see herself turned into wax yesterday at Madam Tussaud’s in London.

On Saturday, her movie, “Love Ranch,” directed by her famed husband Taylor Hackford, will debut in the Cannes film market. The film market is where distributors from around the world get to see new movies and bid on them. “Love Ranch” was trapped in a business misfire but is now being offered by E1.

More importantly, “Love Ranch” is based on the story of Las Vegas’s Chicken Ranch brothel, the U.S.’s first legal, uh, place for working girls to ply their trade. It also marks the return to film of Joe Pesci, who’s been playing golf and raking in millions from his investment in the Broadway musical, “Jersey Boys.” Pesci hasn’ starred in a film since “Lethal Weapon 4,” which was released in the Paleolithic era.

I ran into the Hackfords yesterday afternoon as they were arriving at the Majestic Hotel across from the Palais. Also this week, Helen told me, she’s presenting an award at yet another event sponsored by Chopard.

Mirren’s moment at Madame Tussaud’s, she said, was exciting. “I’d never been there before. It’s so life like!”

Hackford had the director’s point of view. “You don’t get an opportunity to literally walk around yourself,” he said. “It’s very impressive.”

More on “Love Ranch” this week. It also stars Bryan Cranston, from “Breaking Bad,” and Gina Gershon.

Image: PRphotos.com

Godfather Offer Refused Thanks to Robin Hood

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Famed Oscar winning director Francis Ford Coppola thought he’d made an offer that wouldn’t be refused. He was wrong.

Coppola and director daughter Sofia Coppola wanted to eat at their favorite Italian restaurant near Cannes last night. They showed up at Michelangelo in Antibes. And were turned away.

Apparently the Coppolas don’t read this column. If they had, they’d have known that Universal Pictures was throwing a private dinner for the cast of Ridley Scott’s “Robin Hood.”

Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, and producer Brian Grazer were already showing up at the hot eatery when Coppola called to say he was coming. But “The Godfather” was told to come another night.

I hope the owner doesn’t wind up with a fish head in his bed tomorrow.

But that’s the way it is in Cannes as the 2010 festival revs up and A listers of all magnitudes start arriving and needing attention.

Image: PRphotos.com

Bob Berney Throws a Cherry Bomb at Apparition

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Big news all over the place in the middle of the night: Apparition Films’ Bob Berney has left the building. He and his staff were on their way to Cannes when Berney issued his sudden resignation to Apparition’s financial backer, William Pohlad.

Apparition looked good at the beginning, when Berney bought Jane Campion’s “Bright Star” at Cannes last year. Next came “The Young Victoria,” which actually picked up an Oscar last March. This was some kind of record, I think, for a new studio.

But I do think Berney–an upstanding guy who is most respected–was wary of going to Cannes again if he wasn’t completely secure about Apparition’s future. Their big movie, “The Runaways,” was blown–not by Berney, but by a decided lack of marketing money.  Using the title of the real Runaways’ biggest hit, he threw a “cherry bomb” and exited the company.  Knowing Berney, he had a good reason.

Berney was very smart to pick up “The Runaways”–with Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning. He also got it out quickly, hoping to cash in on Stewart’s “Twilight” fame.  “The Runaways” peetered out fast, but it should have been a nice sized cult hit for kids. It’s a good movie.

Not only that: Berney also bought “We Are the Rileys” from Sundance, with terrific performances by Stewart, James Gandolfini, and Melissa Leo. With limited resources, Berney was building an alternate Stewart universe to ride the “Twilight” coattails.

But it takes money to accompany that vision. Berney obviously felt he wasn’t getting the support he needed. What a shame: we need every little distributor right now. These projects take time, and the kind of people like Bob Berney. His credits include making “Memento” a smash hit, as well as (sadly) “The Passion of the Christ.”

What next for Apparition? And Pohlad has his “Fair Game” coming to Cannes not for Apparition but for Summit, the “Twilight” distributor. Stay tuned. The waves along the Croisette are going to be roiling…

Mary J. Blige: Rainforest This Week, AmFar Next

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Mary J. Blige is one of the coolest performers out there. To prove it, she’s doing double time for charities over the next week.

This Thursday, Mary J. will join Sting, Elton John, Lady GaGa, and Shirley Bassey at the annual concert for the Rainforest Foundation at Carnegie Hall. Trudie Styler puts together this amazing show every other year, and has been for 21 years. Mary J, of course, has sung with Sting before, so there may be a duet on that program.

But then Mary J will o-“blige” AmFAR and be the special guest in Cannes next Thursday, May 20th at the Cinema Against AIDS gala at the Hotel duCap. Mary J finishes her shows with her anthem, “I See Colors.” The folks at the duCap have never heard anything so crazy. Be ready to be dazzled! Alan Cumming is the night’s emcee, and stars could run the gamut from Sean Penn to Mick Jagger to Naomi Watts.

PS Lady GaGa aka Stephanie Germanotta, is supposedly in Cannes on May 20th also for a daytime charity event. Hmmm…She’d be the perfect surprise guest at Cinema Against AIDS. I’m just sayin’…

Meantime, the word is out that Sir Anthony Hopkins and Antonio Banderas are skipping Cannes and the premiere of Woody Allen’s “You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger.” By the way, Woody’s film is getting a special private dinner thrown by Chopard on Saturday night, rather than a big premiere bash. The thinking is that guests will still be able to head up to the Hotel duCap for Vanity Fair’s famous A list soiree…

Image: PRphotos.com

Woody Allen Sings “You’re So Vain” to Warren Beatty

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Woody Allen rarely plays his cards so everyone can see them. But in this week’s New Yorker, Allen serves up a rare insight into his own personal slights. In “Will the Real Avatar Please Stand Up?” Woody dredges up his old feud with Warren Beatty.

In case you weren’t here in the early 1970s: Woody was with Diane Keaton, and lost her to Warren. The story is then told in 1977’s “Annie Hall” of how Alvy brings Annie to Hollywood and is trumped by the slimy Tony Lacey (played by Paul Simon) character.

There’s more: Warren then makes “Reds,” (1981) with all its “witnesses” in a documentary style. Woody retaliates by making “Zelig,” a sly parody of “Reds” and Warren that should have had “You’re So Vain” playing in the background. “Zelig” is full of–yes!–“witnesses” who parody Warren’s. Of course, “Zelig” is funnier than “Reds.”

And so in “Shouts and Murmurs,” Woody–after an unnecessary introduction that seems like it might have been added on by an editor–introduces us to movie star Bolt Upright. Like all of Woody’s New Yorker pieces, it is hilarious. Woody–maybe a first– appears as a female journalist assigned to interview Bolt. His nameless character is a 19 year old on her first assignment, determined not to sleep with the famous Casanova.

“Just to make sure his industrial-strength libido wouldn’t give him the wrong idea I was careful to dress conservatively, in an unprovocative micro-skirt, black mesh hose, and a tight but tasteful see-through blouse.”

You get the picture.

Bolt has just opened his new film, “Requiem for a Schnorrer” (I laughed out loud at that one). Woody notes that Bolt has total artistic freedom. Here comes a set up and a great punchline: “One Hollywood mogul said, ‘If this guy wants to burn the studio, I’ll give him the matches.’ Ironically, when he tried, they called Security.”

There’s more: Bolt has a gift of gold handcuffs from Margaret Thatcher on his coffee table. He’s so beautiful that his hair and make up people “have both been recipients of the Irving J. Thalberg humanitarian award.”

And there are inside joke-nasty asides: “I loved your film version of “Macbeth,” the reporter says to Warren. “Did you ever settle that business with the Guild over the writing credit?” (This is a reference to a long-forgotten issue with “Reds” over its source material, a book by Leslie Gelb.)

It would seem that Woody is still vexed by a Tall, Dark Stranger that was Warren Beatty some — yes, 40 years ago. Warren probably got a kick out of reading the New Yorker piece. And four decades later, Woody Allen brings his latest film, triumphantly, to Cannes. Diane Keaton is one of the few actresses of her generation making movies and getting awards. Everybody wins.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2010/05/10/100510sh_shouts_allen

Image: PRphotos.com

“Robin Hood” Director Ridley Scott Will Miss Cannes

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Opening night without the film’s director? At Cannes, this would be a disappointment.

Having just arrived in Paris, I am now getting all kinds of calls about the impending festival of festivals. But I am hearing that knee replacement surgery has made it just about a mission imposible for Oscar winner Ridley Scott to make it Cannes on Wednesday for the premiere of his new blockbuster, “Robin Hood.”

And Scott, as we all know, loves France. He made a film in Provence several years ago just so he could spend time here.

The rest of the cast is on its way from various points in the world. Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, William Hurt, Max von Sydow, Oscar Isaac, are all expected to drive the crowds crazy on Wednesday on the red carpet leading up to the Palais des Festivals.

“Robin Hood” is the first opening night in a couple of years with a lot of star power, making the premiere extra special.  I do hear Scott will send his long time girlfriend, the shockingly hot Giannina Facio, in his place. Giannina is a regular in Scott films. She plays a lady in waiting in this one.

Scott can only be disappointed himself to miss his return to the Croisette after 33 years. Maybe they’ll figure out a way to get him here. But Crowe and co. will carry the day. “Robin Hood” is a nice change of pace–a movie in which great adult actors tell a timeless tale. The French press should be very motivated when they see all their antedecedents as villians trying to destroy the British throne. Mon dieu!

Cannes will otherwise be overrun by famous directors, don’t worry: Oliver Stone, Woody Allen, Jean Luc Godard, Mike Leigh, Stephen Frears, Sophie Fiennes (sister of Ralph and Joseph), Bernard Tavernier, will keep things busy enough!

Scott will also miss the “Robin Hood’ cast dinner on Tuesday night at the famous Michelangelo restaurant in Antibes. Michelangelo and Tetou are the two hotspots in the South–where the stars go every night!

UPDATE: Since I posted, Scott has issued a statement saying he definitely won’t attend.

Image: PRphotos.com

Penelope Cruz Cannes-Do for Haiti

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This year’s Cannes Film Festival may get very busy for Haiti fundraising.

The word is that Chopard may be helping Penelope Cruz organize an auction of stars’ gowns and other high priced items for May 19th.

Cruz has already pledged $50,000 a year to building schools in the earthquake-devastated nation.

Her impetus comes from pal Sean Penn who I’m told is still in Haiti working with volunteers. Penn has been devoted to this cause since January. He’s expected in Cannes though to promote his film, “Fair Game.”

Cruz and boyfriend Javier Bardem each made pledges to Haiti relief. But Penn apparently has implored her to do something at Cannes to keep awareness of the dire situation alive. If the auction happens, sources say the minimum bids will be $20,000. Frankly, some of the billionaires who come to Cannes could just write $1 million checks and be done with it. They’d never miss the money!

PS At some point, Bono and Wyclef Jean will show up at the film festival, too. Bono and Penelope are usually velcro’d together at events. If Cruz auctions and other two play some music, maybe with Mick Jagger–also set to be in town–Haiti has a fighting chance!

Men in Black 3-D Confirmed: I Told You on April 21st

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Barry Sonnenfeld‘s “Men in Black 3D”, with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones? I told you about this on April 21st, and the story was picked up everywhere.

Still, a blog decided to announce it today like it was their scoop. Boo hoo. Nikki Finke‘s penchant for repurposing old stories has finally infected her truly talented New York reporter, Mike Fleming. It makes me sad.

But that said, I did tell you about “Men in Black 3-D” some 17 days ago! I told you Will Smith would do it, and that “MIB” would replace “Spider Man 4,” which was scuttled a few months ago.

This isn’t the first time that Finke’s blog has found old material and presented it as new. I had this problem a few weeks ago when I reported first that Katherine Heigl had left her publicist to return to PMK. Finke ran the story as if she’d gotten the scoop a day later.

The really sad part of this is that when Mike Fleming got a bit of a scoop the other day on Sting coming to Broadway, I gave him credit when I advanced the story with more details. Fair is fair. Maybe Nikki uses the Neuralyzer gadget (pictured) from “MIB,” the one that makes you forget stuff. If so, she’s ODing on it.

Finke had a strong presence when she reported on the Writers Guild Strike last year. She developed some loyal readers from that time. But the strike is over, and it’s not so easy to get stories when you depend on one or two sources and never leave the house. Nikki, see you at the “MIB 3D” premiere–not!